Obligatory stuff

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Beauty is within
Sometimes I feel when I kick up my heels in the sun
I'm the loveliest one

Where
Ha.. Today I am to be found outside of Colombia. A bit more south. And that will be Ecuador. That will be Quito. Had a couple of days in Otavalo. Poking my nose around the big market full of colour crafts and indigenous folk.
Now Quito, which is a mass of sprawling barrios that climb up into clouded mountainsides and back down again. It's about to rain by the look of it and I am sure it will rain. Other than that-- not much.

Mind
My mind is not as open as anything but it is fairly open. I am having to concentrate on finding a trip to the Galapagos Islands. It should not be the most difficult task in the world but I am never keen on organising things. Perhaps because I have a lazy mental illness. My friend John is coming over to Ecuador from Glasgow for a couple of weeks, so we will have to cram in a lot of stuff and that means I have to try and sort out the trip to the islands where the funny animals live.
I am not in fallout with the chica in Poapayan for a change. I thought I was but it turns out all is fine and I will see her in three weeks time when I return to Popayan to run Hosteltrail hostel for 3 months. Hostel running is a funny business. It isn't hard work but it means I have to get up in the morning. That's the hardest part. The next hardest part is being pleasant to arseholes. Not that many of the guests are arseholes but they do appear now and then.

Rant
It's not difficult to feel for things that are beyond your control. But I feel for everything and when I'm all alone I get that sinking feeling that I have been here before and it takes me to the place where the sun was not shining and the cold rain was coming down in buckets and buckets. Pouring it's suffocating chill onto my skin and bones - chattering. This is living. This is the real thing. This is why we are here. SO. I get further away. I travel to keep my skin dry. I get out of the place where I am part of the hoi polloi. Get myself where I can be a bit more free. Where my natural mental state can take over. Where I can please myself or hate myself or abuse myself. No contacts. No family, no shitkicking. Just my lonely self to destruct and implode.
That's not to say there is something wrong. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is out of control. Everything just creeps on by. Low. very low.
I rescind.

I appear and now I disappear---with love

..ed

Lost Incomprehensible

You could say that I'm a bitter man
and once again, I think that's true,
I will remain so until I better those
that know more than I do 

Mental state
Today I am once again watching the rain come down hard and heavy on Popayan streets. The confusions that come into my life cost untold moments. I let the status advance without trying to resort to defence. My place is wherever I happen to be and with that I will let you ponder..

Doing
What does eddie do, at any one moment eddie is neither doing nor not doing. He is . As I say the rain is falling . As I say I let things go by.
I have been talking to some people about Colombia. I am always surprised at the things I hear. Although this country is a safe place for tourists, it is not the idyllic place one might suppose, considering it is safe for people such as myself. There are still many problems, and I hear horror stories of entire village populations "disappearing".

At the moment Colombia is in the midst of a Pyramid frenzy. These pyramid schemes are paying out crazy rates of interest to all and sundry at the moment. It has been going on now for a bout six months. Returns of up to 150% per month are not uncommon and poor Colombians are selling everything to get money to invest in these schemes. So far, a couple of the schemes have went belly up. A couple of guys get killed trying to leave the country with the loot. but the main men are always in the clear. It is crazy. In Popayan today I witnessed a queue of about 200 people waiting to submit there savings to one of these Pyramid organisations. You can't blame the people. They are poor. to double your money in one month is a big carrot. The thing is the people don't seem to realise this can only be a very short term scheme. To leave any more than you can afford to lose in these things is crazy, as they cannot sustain the payouts for more than a few months. then the people lose everything. The other thing to remember is that the money that is being used for the payouts is almost certainly dirty money. It's coming from drug trafficking, money laundering, illegal arms, people trafficking, FARC. It is investing in all that is bad in the country. The people like to blame others for the problems they experience yet, give them the opportunity to contribute to the problems and if they are able to profit, they are right in there. No questions asked.
Of course it's easy to see why. Poor people can't be too choosy. They have principles: they want food. They want what others have. be it luxuries or be it basics. They want them. And if they are being given them without having even to do any work, well, all the better.
In Pasto you can't get your roof fixed. Who wants to work if you can get money for nothing. It's going crazy.

Personal
How personal would you like? Well I am always in some sort of confusion as the mental section betrays. My relationship with MAria Ines is a on a shaky nail. Shakier by the day it seems. I'm not feeling too bad about it. I have did all I can to explain things to her and still there seems to be little headway made. On the other hand, this being Colombia, girls are in abundance and being in a relationship seems to not matter to anyone. What a place!!!
No more personal.

no more anything

love
..ed
xxxx

The past that past

Everything
Is on the wing
And every face is in a hidden place

Where
. Since it's the first words on the new trip I will inform you of my whereabouts. this is Colombia. I am today in Popayan. That's a bit to the south.

Situation.
Well it's like this, I am on a travel. a seven monther.. My intention is to spend time with MAria Inez. The girl in the life... Then I may have time in Ecuador. There is an opportunity which I may divulge at a later date but it sounds interesting.... I think I will go up to Salento in the next day or two for a wee spot of country life Colombia style it will be good to see my old friends up there and breath the air. ach aye. It's the life... I have a room to move into next week in Popayan. It's a nice wee place in the centre of town and it will save me a lot of money. I will stay there a month then decide the next move which may involve the ecuador opportunity. Been meeting a few people I got know on my previous visit, that's been nice.

Mental state
Oh, that's improving after a languid start. I got into a bad state to begin with. The change in Culture, the language all the usual change stuff. I have now, however, got myself into a much more content mode.


The rant
Whats a report without venting my wordy wrath upon the world. It's not a s simple as one may imagine it to be-- to be carrying out this sort of tirade. For that reason I will take it easy for this first piece. I am feeling fine tho. It's a strange feeling to be ok. not too angst ridden and I may even have a happiness inside me. It won't last tho. Oh no. These things to me are like aliens, like liquid fuckers that course thru the veins and upset the fine balance. I chase them away like most chase demons. The awkward bastard that I can be. I wish a change, a whole new internal system. My blood to be new, by organs to shut down and re-boot with an alter state that will allow me to cope with the shit of the world in a more conventional manner. By that I probably mean by allowing me to be as greedy and uncaring as most of the rest of the rabble of this rancid world of beauty and spiralling wickedness. I cannot instigate these changes myself. Certain drugs I suppose will push me one way or another and they can be of benefit in certain situations in certain quantities for certain amounts of times. I can see the grass grow and I can feel the tremors as flower petals gently thud onto the ground. I recal days when this seemed impossible. I recal days when A family life was a drive in the car to a cloudy beach on the west coast. Picking up stones to put in a polishing machine. Visiting the hill that goes the wrong way. All that stuff of the past is most certainly past. And now without doubt is the now. I am not fighting or resisting these facts.
. So I am calm.....

All the love

in blue.

..ed xxx

graspin'

Take me to a happiness beyond human reach
Beyond the grasp of lust
Beyond the need for trust
Beyond the gaze of the sick and the lame
Beyond the stretch of human pain

I should keep you all a wee bit more updated and informed of my present and recent doings and goings.

Well yeah, I should but the truth has to be told and that is that there is nothing to be telt. Nope.

Life in the last lane. the hard shoulder. the layby. It's like that with me. Just too often.
I am in Scotland. Near Glasgow. not near enough and at the same time not nearly far enough away.
I am biding my time. Biding biding. I wish to be away from here and should be before the end of september . The problem is that the money situation never really got sorted out. I have a very small pocketful of pennies and pounds. But. I need to get out of here. get away. to a place I can just not be here. You may not be understanding what I am saying but I need to go go go. I need out of this. And I am not sure I will find what I am looking for in South America but it seems that I am going there anyway. I wil spend time with Maria Ines. I will go to Bolivia. I will see what else I may squeeze into my 7 months of being not in this dreary place.

drreary it is, but it has it's occasionaly flickers. I went to see Acid Mothers Temple the other night. A Japanese psychedelic rock band who just were very loud and psychedelic. just what they were meant to be. I loved it. loud noise with psychedelic Japanese nutters . Beautiful.

I've spent my time in Scotland alone this trip. I just decided - for better or worse I am not sure but it's a thing I have mostly done. and leaves only myself to piss myself off. And it isny a difficult chore that. !!

So this is just a wee filler to let you all know that I am still a real living guy... The price I have to pay eh!

I will to let you know when I move on and what then takes place as I slide down south from the tip of the Andies to a bit more south Andies. Me in my bob sleigh tabogan sledge thingy that skoots and swooshes North to south downward on and off piste and pure belting it thru lands of beauty and inca-ian indian wonder and snow showers and fallen trees and the cool morn breeze that sweeps through the hair of the head. bringing with it open eyes and wonderment.

Lets not live too long. eh

My love to you
..ed xxxxx

Glasgow Glasgow where are you? 102 from Carlisle!

Nestled in your wings my little
one
This special morning brings another
sun
Tomorrow see the things that never
come
Today

When you see me
Fly away without you
Shadow on the things you
know
Feathers fall around you
And show you the way to
go
It's over, it's over.

It's the ending of a trip that never really got going. It had plenty of interesting bits. And even some pieces!! I still cannae sprachen the speak of Spain. That's funny..
Chile is nice, my last country of the trip. a bit more european than other countries over here. I have met a few nice people at the hostel also. A brazil couple Oz couple and Canada girl. Visited a winery. went out eating and drinking and having pleasant times.
I even had the fortune to sleep in A cupboard one night.

It's Maria-ines birthday on the day I leave SA. It would have been nice to spend it with her but I will be flying in a aeroplane, and I hope to hell it isn't constructed from chocolate, that is going to cause serious problems at take off if it is. and it's ok for you to laugh or not understand. I'm the man on ground. and maybe staying there.

then there is the problems of UK. accom and travel. nothing is easy in my life. accept-- my life. which isny all that hard really. A luxury life I have chosen as opposed to the more frequently chosen option of work stress debt frustration and stupidity. The greed machine- or is it just the very fucking stupid machine! that dictates most peoples lifes. I reckon either.. People are people and people are no good. As opposed to pineapples which very often are good. And many other non people things. like Avacados. or whales. or turtles and seahorses. even chestnuts are far better than people as I am sure you will have surmised for yaself. . Then again. maybe not, coz most people, myself included, are stupid. I'm just more aware of the stupidity I pocess process...And another thing....... people are stupid all the..... I don't understand everything.
I may be hungry.

now now now, I will say the good thing about the return is the music the dance and the theatre. the familiarity with the geography. the streets and the ugly faces.

Glasgow Glasgow where are you? 102 from Carlisle!

lentils and blips

And you do what you want
And I will do what I want;
I'm now free of master and everyone,
Servant of all and servant to none

How are you ? I am now south of the equator. It feels the same to me tho. I am in a town called Vilcabamba and I am not tryoing out the hallucinogenic San Pedro cactus as I don't have time. I am rushing south south. To peru and beyond. Will get nto south peru hopefully within 10days. Then chile. Santiagi for an aeroplane to Spain. Hope the metal bird is not not metal and chocolate because I can't trust a plane made of chocolate. Would you? Well of course you wouldny. It would be far too dangerous. Not that I worry about planes landing too early on the sea or in moutains. Thats fine. once your up your up but to attempt even a take-off in a chocolate aeroplane would be madness.

Nothing to interesting happening at the moment. The town/village I am in is tiny and I still can't find the vegetarian resaurant. It's very odd that I should have such a problem.

oh well you never know how daft a person can be 'til they try to find the veggy food place in a small town.

I will leave this proposterity for a while and try and find a blockquote for tho start this post.

All yer fair and fine misters and misseses must abide. and take comfort from me.

I am the one-çç

love

..ed

the latent and the dead

Veins on leaves
A cat of kings
A mouthful of seed
A strand of beads
An hour of lust
A bucket of trust
It's time to rest
My shiny things
Pull them off
Pull them off
Pull them off of me

Hi and how are you?
I-m in Popayan. Southish Colombia. About to say goodbye to this white uninteresting city. Och, it-s ok really, I have enough to keep me amused most of the time. Maria-Ines keeps me going with fun and laughter and love.
HAd an interesting encounter with the bad side of Colombia.. Well after almost 4 months of good times and tranquility it's not a great surprise to see the bad side. So a bit of uncomfortable excitement has now hopefully past and I will leave the country in the next couple of days.

South to Ecuador and then on and on Peru and Chile for my flight home at the end of the month.
Whatdya think?

I'm neither up nor down. I'm cutting short my thoughts so as not to be carried this way or that. I'm finding time is only now and not yesterday or the morra. Everything in this life of transcience makes me wonder and wondering is not what I'm in the mood for. I get a bit confused with day after day and remember, when I need to, the essentials. The following day following another etc.

Perpelexion is not for the faint hearted when sensitivity is rearing. So I am not in any mood and not in expectation of anything I hope. Just waiting. Not even waiting. Just ...justing. Minute by minute I am ...just....

So that means that I am not gonnae say much about anything. I am going to lie down. Maybe go to the toilet. Then I will read a little, then contemplate absolutely nothing. Lose myself in a void of empty ease and nothing nothing nothing.

What you thinking? Where do you go_ Where do people go. And why do they bother, when there is less to do. I cannot find an answer because I am not seeking the answers.
So there ye go ya bam.

I'm right out of this place.

go go go

All the love in the sky and the floor.

Love
..ed x

no snow no sand... oh yes there is . but no sand

Idle hands are the devil's playthings
The devil's playthings, the devil's playthings
Idle hands are the devil's playthings
The devil lives deep down
Deep down

popayan. It's where I am and not fo the first time. maybe or maybe not the last time. Only time can tell. And as I sit looking out on a hot sunstreaked street with thunder rumbling distant and pilgrims pilgrimming in this holy of holy weeks. A dull occasion, but more lively place than before. the parades are to be avoided. long and very slow and without event of note.

I am with Maria-Ines lots of the time. It's a pleasant way to pass the time. We have fun and laugh.

I have a room in which to sleep with toilet hot shower telly and bed. A drug dealer as landlord so no problems there.

All is fine. Colombian is fine. Weather normally fine if not raining. And fine is fina and I am too!

And the rest is for the ears and the eyes. the haze that illumes me. the catastrophy I can be, the envelope of an embittered soul that gloats and glares at the things of the past that still wreak a torture on a still unfound heart. A witch hunt. A lot of lady a lot of boy a lot of living has passed and may pass on more.

I cannot return I cannot go backways. I will endure the frost the bite the blast. and on this day I will remain ..

I am confounding perils and fattening the cat the goose the babe on the loose I am sinful and I am sincere. Iam all the little things people wish would disappear. I am remaining I am the remnants I am the resurection. I am just an erection

Lots of love

..ed x

traversing ledges

I could have been your pillar, could have been your door
I could have stayed beside you, could have stayed for more.
Could have been your statue, could have been your friend,
A whole long lifetime could have been the end.
I could be yours so true
I would be, I should be through and through

Ahh, the Salento breeze is a buzzin' an ahm just like a wasp with flowers on my mind.

Yep, here I am, running the plantation house hostal. Just riding, on the narrow time that takes forward it's everchanges. A surfer, Or a magic carpet rider.

If you didn't already know about Colombia and it's beauty and friendly embracing people well, that's how it is, and you need be told no more.
It is a fabulous destination. It's where people should be. It's where I am.

And the girls. oh my oh my. The girls are splendid.
Ah, but maybe more of that later.

This is not the USA. This is Not the Uk this is not the orient this is not the place I reckoned it would be. This is the place I am.

A worker I am. If I can use the term loosely. I am involved in a sort of work process. It is not important or difficult. I attend the tourists who arrive. I help a little bit. I smile and gesture. I get by. I live in a lovely house on a hill overlooking lush green valleys and a river. Coffee is grown in abundance. moths and spiders welcome all. I view these things with awe. The green and the others. It takes away the pain. It leaves me with ease in my soul. It takes the fear away. the fear that exists only in the minds of fools. Oh yeah, I can be considered one of the fools. The group contains me. I contain as much as I am able too. but on occasions it afflicts it's misery and spoils the view.

Control. I must keep control. By whatever means. I use mah heid. I reckon on the things that will help, the things that will hinder, and try and find a balance. keeping things on an even keel. I try. I fail , but I try and sometimes, sometimes I attain success of sorts. I can be anywhere or anything if I really want. I just find that I don't want, generally. I accept what is the moment. I accept so much, I don't accept the pain so much . It can mostly be avoided. I am still living after all those years and not as dead as the dead people are...

Time takes to its smokey heels and marches as to war. Work done and dusted and back now in Popayan. Where very little goes on and very little goes off. Into the arms of Marcela. into the strange world of a difficult relationship. The communication problems dictate the pace of our advance. the cultural disparities dictate, the religious assymitry dictates, political contrast dictates. There are many contras.

It would be much more fulfilling to be with Maria-Ines. But I am a fool...

And where and when do I go. I know nothing. As from the beginning. I know nothing. A day at a time, a day goes by for another to begin. It-s not a competition its not something to win. A life in rhyme and a life out of time. I step on. We all step.

the final count is taking place and sending shivers down the spine. It is not a crime to be straying from the straight line but it is the way forward that rattles and shackles. It is for each person to decide and to react and respond as they wish.

I love.
I say goodbye I wish well,

yours
..ed x

Looking out the windows

,

In the corners there is light
That is good for you
And behind you, I have warned you,
There are awful things

This is a step into the other side. A click clack walking the track to the new realm or the undergrowth. It is a matter of the next step. Each day comes and inevitably goes.
Ok, So now I am in Colombia. Have been for a couple of months and the time just .....goes.

What do I do? Very little. Very very little. It's the sort of place where that sort of thing is simple. And if you know me you will know I like the simple things.

Popayan, until tomorrow when I return to Salento in the coffee zone to work in Plantation House hostel for a couple of weeks. I met the most beautiful girl on Saturday night. Marcela. Dancer, Actress, Model and now psychologist. I will be sad to leave without her.. but I shall return in a couple of weeks after work is done.

Whats wrong with me. I am writing this in a legible manner. Must be the new blog space I am using. Ed's place is out of order for some complex intertechnet reason that is beyond my ken.

I try to keep this family friendly so today no scandelous info or nasty sweary words. No stories of debauchery and.

I will attempt to keep this blog up to date. I am not sure why as I have not told anyone of it's existence as yet.

How many people will miss this??

all the love I have is yours....

..ed

SAmerica

By jings.

I take lots of time getting round to things and this is a perfect example.

Colombia for now but much longer. then a bit longer after that. I come and go. come and go.

And yes my time is running out. I continue at a later moment.

love

..ed