Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Beauty is within
Sometimes I feel when I kick up my heels in the sun
I'm the loveliest one
Where
Ha.. Today I am to be found outside of Colombia. A bit more south. And that will be Ecuador. That will be Quito. Had a couple of days in Otavalo. Poking my nose around the big market full of colour crafts and indigenous folk.
Now Quito, which is a mass of sprawling barrios that climb up into clouded mountainsides and back down again. It's about to rain by the look of it and I am sure it will rain. Other than that-- not much.
Mind
My mind is not as open as anything but it is fairly open. I am having to concentrate on finding a trip to the Galapagos Islands. It should not be the most difficult task in the world but I am never keen on organising things. Perhaps because I have a lazy mental illness. My friend John is coming over to Ecuador from Glasgow for a couple of weeks, so we will have to cram in a lot of stuff and that means I have to try and sort out the trip to the islands where the funny animals live.
I am not in fallout with the chica in Poapayan for a change. I thought I was but it turns out all is fine and I will see her in three weeks time when I return to Popayan to run Hosteltrail hostel for 3 months. Hostel running is a funny business. It isn't hard work but it means I have to get up in the morning. That's the hardest part. The next hardest part is being pleasant to arseholes. Not that many of the guests are arseholes but they do appear now and then.
Rant
It's not difficult to feel for things that are beyond your control. But I feel for everything and when I'm all alone I get that sinking feeling that I have been here before and it takes me to the place where the sun was not shining and the cold rain was coming down in buckets and buckets. Pouring it's suffocating chill onto my skin and bones - chattering. This is living. This is the real thing. This is why we are here. SO. I get further away. I travel to keep my skin dry. I get out of the place where I am part of the hoi polloi. Get myself where I can be a bit more free. Where my natural mental state can take over. Where I can please myself or hate myself or abuse myself. No contacts. No family, no shitkicking. Just my lonely self to destruct and implode.
That's not to say there is something wrong. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is out of control. Everything just creeps on by. Low. very low.
I rescind.
I appear and now I disappear---with love
..ed
