my uncertainty .. my my

I know the highest and the best
I accord them all due respect
but the brightest jewel inside of me
glows with pleasure at my own stupidity

It's not so hot. Nothing to hatch. or catch. A slow time indeed, as the muscles ache with over use or little use. calling the awaiting bleep. Stranglehold on this delectable life of swarming and dawning days. The last time I did this I had a smile on my face. The fizzer hud a grin, noo this sonsie zog is in a contemptuous grimace and battling hard to keep it at that only. With this persistant state of living. This unequaled unrivaled monotony that haunts and flaunts its anguish, To me... Fir fuksake. What have ah did tay insite sich betrayals. I cannae fathom it. and it goes on..and on and on. I don't want to be makin' a great big deal of it... but. Y'know. It isnae just. there's no morality that would allow this to be given as a punishment, even for some fairly nasty deed. An deeds of that sort I don't partake in. Oh no. not me. Ah've got some principles y'know. They may not be conventional, or convenient at times, but principles they are nonetheless, and by them I stand. details of such fine credentials can be had if you wish to have them. just gimme a wee bit time to set them out for ye. .. / but naw, No' the noo. a bit later mibby. but then .. mibby not.

The matter in hand is one of deep personal tragedy. It involves others; people that urny me but are known to me. I could divulge more regarding identities but I will keep it that wee bit more abstract, for the sake of those concerned.
As with all dilemmas it's simply a case of AYE or NAW. Should ah or should ah no'. nane o'that inbetween shite that some people go in for. It's a straight cut and dried case. should ah or should a no', as I said (the "di" part-of dilemma- reduces the options to just 2. as I just advised you) .. Och, fuck wi'this. Ahm no' gonnae explain the

The pure fact is that I am in this sort of dilemma. A more rational being would quite possibly no' even consider it to be as highly regarded as a dilemma but for this yin, mah goodsel'. A dilemma is whit it is. And for that reason alone I am justified in the fretin that is upon me as I write.

If ah cannae get to the bottom of this and make some sort of decision then I will need to give up. Whatever giving up means. Ahm no' sure coz there are always other fundamentals to consider. MAking a decision is never an easy thing to do when so many uncertainties persist. I'm the most uncertian fucker in existance. Ah can flounder, Ah can arse around and ah can ponder for ever and ever.but coming to a point of decision when there are things at stake. Possibly major things. My uncertainty

Where can I go what can I do. ???

There should be things in this world where you go to consult--spin a disc of somesort or whisper into a soggy mirror- it knows the ins and the outs of allthings and it comes upwith a suggestion from an objective standpoint. Ah just fancy a remedy that will make things more simple- you may say eddie, your shirking your responsibilties-, an' aye, ah suppose that wouldny be too far from the truth of it.

It's not even feeling all that important now. I will tell you about something else.
There were unexplained lights in the sky in 1944. now people want to keep on seeing them even altho they are now gone. And they must belong to spacemen. At least it's better than claiming it to be some godly visitation-- you know what things are like when the religions get a hold of them. Those religions of the world have a lot to answer for but lets be thankful they don't -to my knowledge anyway- stake a claim to the mid twentieth century unexplained lights in the sky. Real insiders willbe aware that they most likely came from secret human endeavors to create antigravity flight technology. The success of which is still a big secret!!

I want to go riding on horses. over fields at a gallop. MAn and beast- scorching across the firmament. Big smiles. exhilerating. juddereing about to the horses rhythm - holding on like for your life, screaming banshee, one flailing arm.. but not to fall off.not to be badly injured in a crash. just galloping into the wild blue yonder. EcuestrianRiders...

tata for today.

All my love and kisses for everyone.

riding riding

..ed
xxxx

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Apocalypse or a poke o'chips

Neither brother of Job nor the son of Knox
And karma’s nae cousin to me.
But I know when I’ve wronged and I’ve turned to the left
And travelled too far to see
Yeah I’ve lusted and lied and I’ve taken a line,
Spent money that wisnae mine
I’ve stared at the stars while laid in a ditch
With my belly all full o’ wine

This is where the dreams begin and the last of the old hingin' aboot the place boys gets to go daft over a wee bit o' happy fancy.

It could be said this is trifling. A course of action that can be easily mocked. Scorn, may even be heaped upon my suggestion. Or my actions. That said. I really am not in any mood to be concerned with those reproaches. They may just be figments. Figments of my overactive, but slow acting, mind. Look. I'm not gonnae go building myself up. making myself sound smart or wise or worldly. Coz ah know that ah umny any of these things. And whats more I'm very fond of how decrepit my knowledge and experience is. If only more were similar. A lot less arseholes there may be, frequenting this hurly burly world of birth death and despair.

Here I am in East Kilbride. By jings this a place. And what a place!!

There are of course things I miss. Like I miss being somewhere else. Anywhere else, outside this miserable island I am currently incarcerated upon. Coz that's just how it feels. Yeah I have duties. And noble as they are (looking after my sick mother) I'd much rather be in a land of language I fail to understand. In a place where I don't have much of a scooby regarding the customs and cultures of locals. Beside beautiful people who I am apt to fall in love with at a moments notice. These things are far more desirable. For me at least.

And don't think it's because I want to desert my mother. oh no. not that. I will make sure she is taken care of--not killed, or executed like, but healthy and independent. What do you take me for... crivvens.

So that's it.. how I feel at the moment. BUT. Ah've hardly any money for the time being. I am pinko. Skint. Up a financial gum tree maybe. This is problematic. mostly for me. I need a plane ticket. I will get one. I will return to where the future lies. over the sea across the skies amongst the foreign thrills and hills . I will be hand in hand with my wee son and playing peekaboo and other games that I get a real hit out of. Walking through fields and forests next to the beautiful girl who treats people for ailments using modern medical techniques, with a smile. Who's mind is agile. Unlike mine. My feet were very agile for a long time and still are not too bad. I was noticed for my dexterity amongst the rocks and pools by the sea or up on the hill where boulders were pavements.

I need to go and care for a while..

more later byee lovers and lags

..ed

Lone stranger

Wind blown hair in a windowless room
A lifeline of knuckles
waddles into the afternoon
Look into its eyes
It will look into your eyes

Good to be back.

I can tell you of the most recent events. They are few,.

Today I got out of bed before the sun reached it's zenith. A good sign I thought. Went to shower, for which I managed to score some hot water. Then a shave. I thought I would since I had so much time.
Ok, says ed. Lets try the new open razor I recently bought . Good choice! Within a minute I'd managed to inflict 5 decent sized gushing wounds on my fizzer. Doing well! I opted to finish the job--not my life-- with a safety razor and continued, after that, using a wide range of methods, to stem the flow of blood from my now palid face. It eventually stopped gushing.
I then had breakfast. With Colombian coffee brought from Colombia made in the little expresso maker I found in the kitchen. A fantastic thing!!!

Having finished breakfasting, I went back into bathroom to view the destruction committed to my face. Whilst entering the bathroom I noticed I had a scorpion for company. It was a big one. well, not as big as me, but bigger than the last one I found. He/she was stranded in the toilet bowl. I made attempts to save it but admitted defeat as much thru fear as inadequecy. I had to flush the poor guy away. MAybe he will survive in the distant pipes!.

I will go back to reading and keeping a low profile until my face looks less like the aftermath of a big cat attack.

Ahm thinkin of swedgers an jeg, and how unappealing it seems to me now. How things change as the clock spins.
A day, a night, an awakening fright. Then there are no more peaks to seek. no more avenues to to explore. Cul de sacs. just cul de sacs. uninvigorating, debilitating the mind. And all the while, time. It can be so slow. It can let me go. It can take what it wants in chunk sized bites. I despair the long nights and enveloping twilights. I dont think of the day until it's gone away. I get carried along cul de sacs. can't escape the cul de sacs.

Lovin' ya

..ed

Despite myself

There really was one way to be,
Yet this is not it, we think,
To be such younger folk as we
Not levelled as we drink

Where has that petulant wee git got to?
Ho..,,.. Talking to you eddie, ya choob!!!

Hey, alright alright. Nuff o' that stuff. Here am I the good old eddie yin. Whats troubling me today then?? It's the fucking weather, the sun cloud rain. hills above the mist the mountain low. and I have plenty to be complaining about despite myself!!

yeah ok, so it's been a while n'that, but there were reasons.
reason
1. A lazy bastard is eddie.
reason
2. Same as last reason.....

But ye cannae be complaining coz here I now am, spraffing my words onto a page for your eyes only. Not only that. I'm a wonder. A super fantastic stretch of the imagination. A regular worshipper of the lack of reason to live.. I just happen to be going on despite myself. To spite myself, inspite of myself. Ye can choose your fave!!

Now it is Ecuador. A wee trip south of Colombia. I'm here to kill time but it's fine. Otavalo is pretty laid back and amongst lovely land. No hardship. The problem I foresee is getting back into Colombia due to visa technicalities. I think I have been there too long and will encounter a problem. Big problem as I have to fly from there at the end of April. And, I had intended to do some travel up there afore I left. And I have a bag full of stuff in Popayan.

I am going to go up to the border on saturday and see what they say, see what they are willing to give me . I may need to spend a few weeks here instead--not as good but still manageable.

Otavalo is nice. I've spent most of my Ecuadorian time here. better than Quito for sure. And, likely, many other places.

It's been a while since I did this and I am suffering from some fatigue that I cannot explain so I am going to get away to somewhere else not in this internet station that I am in just now....

And yet I go

with love on my mind-----to ALL