Lost Incomprehensible

You could say that I'm a bitter man
and once again, I think that's true,
I will remain so until I better those
that know more than I do 

Mental state
Today I am once again watching the rain come down hard and heavy on Popayan streets. The confusions that come into my life cost untold moments. I let the status advance without trying to resort to defence. My place is wherever I happen to be and with that I will let you ponder..

Doing
What does eddie do, at any one moment eddie is neither doing nor not doing. He is . As I say the rain is falling . As I say I let things go by.
I have been talking to some people about Colombia. I am always surprised at the things I hear. Although this country is a safe place for tourists, it is not the idyllic place one might suppose, considering it is safe for people such as myself. There are still many problems, and I hear horror stories of entire village populations "disappearing".

At the moment Colombia is in the midst of a Pyramid frenzy. These pyramid schemes are paying out crazy rates of interest to all and sundry at the moment. It has been going on now for a bout six months. Returns of up to 150% per month are not uncommon and poor Colombians are selling everything to get money to invest in these schemes. So far, a couple of the schemes have went belly up. A couple of guys get killed trying to leave the country with the loot. but the main men are always in the clear. It is crazy. In Popayan today I witnessed a queue of about 200 people waiting to submit there savings to one of these Pyramid organisations. You can't blame the people. They are poor. to double your money in one month is a big carrot. The thing is the people don't seem to realise this can only be a very short term scheme. To leave any more than you can afford to lose in these things is crazy, as they cannot sustain the payouts for more than a few months. then the people lose everything. The other thing to remember is that the money that is being used for the payouts is almost certainly dirty money. It's coming from drug trafficking, money laundering, illegal arms, people trafficking, FARC. It is investing in all that is bad in the country. The people like to blame others for the problems they experience yet, give them the opportunity to contribute to the problems and if they are able to profit, they are right in there. No questions asked.
Of course it's easy to see why. Poor people can't be too choosy. They have principles: they want food. They want what others have. be it luxuries or be it basics. They want them. And if they are being given them without having even to do any work, well, all the better.
In Pasto you can't get your roof fixed. Who wants to work if you can get money for nothing. It's going crazy.

Personal
How personal would you like? Well I am always in some sort of confusion as the mental section betrays. My relationship with MAria Ines is a on a shaky nail. Shakier by the day it seems. I'm not feeling too bad about it. I have did all I can to explain things to her and still there seems to be little headway made. On the other hand, this being Colombia, girls are in abundance and being in a relationship seems to not matter to anyone. What a place!!!
No more personal.

no more anything

love
..ed
xxxx

The past that past

Everything
Is on the wing
And every face is in a hidden place

Where
. Since it's the first words on the new trip I will inform you of my whereabouts. this is Colombia. I am today in Popayan. That's a bit to the south.

Situation.
Well it's like this, I am on a travel. a seven monther.. My intention is to spend time with MAria Inez. The girl in the life... Then I may have time in Ecuador. There is an opportunity which I may divulge at a later date but it sounds interesting.... I think I will go up to Salento in the next day or two for a wee spot of country life Colombia style it will be good to see my old friends up there and breath the air. ach aye. It's the life... I have a room to move into next week in Popayan. It's a nice wee place in the centre of town and it will save me a lot of money. I will stay there a month then decide the next move which may involve the ecuador opportunity. Been meeting a few people I got know on my previous visit, that's been nice.

Mental state
Oh, that's improving after a languid start. I got into a bad state to begin with. The change in Culture, the language all the usual change stuff. I have now, however, got myself into a much more content mode.


The rant
Whats a report without venting my wordy wrath upon the world. It's not a s simple as one may imagine it to be-- to be carrying out this sort of tirade. For that reason I will take it easy for this first piece. I am feeling fine tho. It's a strange feeling to be ok. not too angst ridden and I may even have a happiness inside me. It won't last tho. Oh no. These things to me are like aliens, like liquid fuckers that course thru the veins and upset the fine balance. I chase them away like most chase demons. The awkward bastard that I can be. I wish a change, a whole new internal system. My blood to be new, by organs to shut down and re-boot with an alter state that will allow me to cope with the shit of the world in a more conventional manner. By that I probably mean by allowing me to be as greedy and uncaring as most of the rest of the rabble of this rancid world of beauty and spiralling wickedness. I cannot instigate these changes myself. Certain drugs I suppose will push me one way or another and they can be of benefit in certain situations in certain quantities for certain amounts of times. I can see the grass grow and I can feel the tremors as flower petals gently thud onto the ground. I recal days when this seemed impossible. I recal days when A family life was a drive in the car to a cloudy beach on the west coast. Picking up stones to put in a polishing machine. Visiting the hill that goes the wrong way. All that stuff of the past is most certainly past. And now without doubt is the now. I am not fighting or resisting these facts.
. So I am calm.....

All the love

in blue.

..ed xxx