The firmament is breaking...

Born to refuse, and raised to exclude 
Fed myths to disprove by post-colonial prudes:
The city was evil, some country was evil, the hippies were evil,
the writers were evil, the homeless were evil, the workers were evil,
the summer was evil, independence was evil.
Grown and released with the heart of a thief 
Wanting only to seek the very gentlest of streets where 
nobody's evil, nobody's evil....

 Another traumatic example of fear, confusion and loss.
Y'see these things, although based on recent events and the dark spaces in which my mind often dwells, are often inspired by a terrible nightmare dream I had repeatedly from about the age of six. It's not difficult to explain, it is a vision of destruction death and the end of the world.  Many many years later I discovered, a similar vision put to canvas by 19C artist John Martin.

The Great Day of His Wrath. 

Also, WB Yeats The Second Coming--.the ominous destruction and mysterious dark foreboding.

I recall also, Something -- that is first of all - a crumb -- a rock -- a mountain -- a planet -- a sun --  a universe, each being crushed by the next until all is metaphysical anarchy, the  feeling inside corresponds and is sickening... it torments the nerve endings.

everything falls (download)

I never finished the vocal of this piece and it sounds a bit dodgy, clipped and overly compressed.. the whole thing needs worked on but I am in a hurry all of a sudden, it sometimes happens. I need to do some worrying, fretting and trepidating. And that takes up a lot of time. forever changes...

You are also now able to visit me and listen or download at Bandcamp.

All this to-ing and fro-ing. It gets me confused and I need to step back a wee bit to get a better view. To help me, to try and get a better perspective, but the reality is lacking clarity, the unreal internalised view is what I see and that's just a blurred make-believe concept bearing little relation to even basic understanding. Just sitting is likely the best option. I'l just sit for some time and let it all happen. Trepidation eh! it comes without being called upon. just pushes it's way through. and before you know--~@#''# trepidating 

And also the passing of time has taken on a new soft beauty like in an aerial film sequence swooping gently over land, hill, and glen. A free as a bird quality, an eagle... or, graceful like a pelican low over water, never stalling.

something will always come along in the dark or in the light. Something less useful than first anticipated, it's a world of illusion and broken promises, lost causes, it's a world where I still hear people say things like --   life is wonderful  --  .. I don't shake them, or, even look them in the eye. I try to be good. I do. I really fucking do..

LOve and kisses

  ..ed

Further notes:

I can't control certain feelings of the heart, of love and of loss. I can't control, yet they seem to be able to take complete control of me without even the slightest concern for the damage/devastation being unleashed in my soul my body - my ability to carry on. 

 I find myself question the reasons for existence, Not for the first time, it must be said, but certainly the most intense occasion of self doubt and incapacity to understand the most basic fundamental laws of human nature. These things it seems, are not for me to comprehend. To let them be is as far as I can go. To sit, and observe - or not even to do that at times, with eyes closed but heart open I just sit and let it flow. However, sometimes a tangle appears and upsets the system, and this time, the system wrought devastation on me. The very firmament came down in broken flaming pieces. The anger and almost uncontrollable urge to partake in the overall destruction of all that has gone before or would come to exist..  hence I urge you.. please  please  do not... come. with. ME.