ps works ed October 2, 2012

An ephemeral whinging aspect

I do not like your tone
It has an ephemeral whinging  aspect.
It's a curse. I am not unguilty of using it.

And the head begins a long term ache and takes away from the moments of tranquillity. We're not talking of being "in the realm of the essence of tong" -migraine- but none-the-less an awkward discomfort dominates the daily hours.

Life changes from hour to hour, of course, and the feeling of being deceived about whether one is in the countryside or in a city environment is not going to be the important factor in the writing of some journal.

When the doors are closed and the clouds are low the gloom can penetrate the cosiest of havens. My mind it can wander in little circles making explanations for every inconvenience and the ultimate explicandum is that the whole life is just a spek of a spark that sheds light on nothing, and to be over serious about it is the toil of fools.

Having exorcised the seriousness of life and thus lent it a more simplistic flavour I can continue with my account.

….Account of daily marching to a not terribly distant future with a most definite end. The promise that is never broken never thwarted and always within touching distance whether acknowledged or not.

This isny gloomy. It can be looked upon as a logical positivist view of events; it's gonnae happen and ye cannae argue the fact!

Aye, wur doomed. wur doomed. But let's not fret about such a triviality. It happens to be a blessing, a gateway to absolute freedom.  At least it is to us folk that don't manifest any devotion to a diety.

Listened to Shiny Beast  yesterday. Things like that can give you a wee lift. Like the Captain blowing the ‘harp on Carson City, takes away the blues -inserts a wee touch of pleasant optimism—only a wee touch mind—wouldn’t have it any other way. Them folks whose cup runneth over with optimism are destined to a sorrowful end and not such a great inbetween time inspite of their mental frivolity.

Eventually found a working copy of photoshop after a number of years without. Fills my empty hours with re-learning the basics and conjuring some images with ed, or parts of, as the basis. Maybe you will see some of the works on a slideshow at the right of this page, maybe not..

And Chile... nahhh.... not just now... a bit later, mibbe

I've realised I have nothing to say nothing to do ..-- no thoughts and no time to ponce about this blog page for hardly any reason.. so.
I go

With love and mystification

  ..ed

In the wrong position

Ladies and gentlemen, would you now please take your leaveBecause we've sat back looking and nearly been tookEven been scared but now I don't care and I'm telling anyone who'll listenI've seen what's on show and now there's no more to know'Cause I've been there, I've been seen there, I've seemed it, dreamed it,schemed it, beened it

Last had a word with a Mr Baw Heid and took offence at his matter of fact stance, och....

The times they are all changing and not staying the same anymore. I don't want to be in compliance with a change for the worse but I am involved with some contrivance of indelicate knowledge, which is the highest degree of speculative faculties- and has begat me the powers of deceit. Power not action mind

No lies have been spoken or confidences transgressed, no wrong doing in the formal sense, but, yes there are most definite needs for a terrible wisdom - and I am with that. My past is a nightmare of anguish and loss amidst a wee bit of wise manoevering I suppose. The future is scraping at the door and has been for a long time. The scrapes have formed a sizeable indentation and looks like the internal surface is about to be breached unless that is, some prohibitive measures are taken up. the future will not be compromised and will surely not be sullied by this inquisition. Oh no! Ask all you like-- I'm giving nothing away

I’d hoped that by this time in my  (!?life!?) to have found myself nearer...not even close. Looking back as I occasionally do, I recall differing thoughts particular to certain epochs in my existence but these are common and were never of great consequence, as are the present meanderings-- simply an act of chronicle/analysis.. and discovering that WE ARE IN THE WRONG POSITION.
!

Just walkin’ in the rain.  cryin’ again, and getting really upset about certain things without good reason. Temperature is rising and we’re gonna crash so we better get out. Headin’ for a wall -no getting away from it all. WE ARE IN THE WRONG POSITION…

If we get re-adjusted and accustomed to being trusted then we may find out from what we are running --it can be like a wall coming at a hunner mile anhour.-- . and I’m not the only one. Gonnae crash -we're all gonnae crash - hit the breaks, raise the stakes, make mistakes, earthquakes, nervous shakes-- for goodness sake. WE ARE IN THE WRONG POSITION, put on your skates were heading for the gates and altered states will be our fates- better increase the tension- I have to mention- the outcome is --that WE ARE IN THE WRONG POSITION!

Did I grow up? ​?mibby I missed out on something and didn't do it properly, ... Dunno if it does damage, but has benefits and anti benefits/deprivations... Need to look into both the outcomes that may be ever echoing in endless repercussion.

Constantly in a state of temporary situations these days. Living for three years and maybe five and maybe ten, in a state of flux. Ok, yeah I know about impermanence an' that but I'm just talking about the lack of stability and familiarity with my surroundings-- they keep changing and they keep on being out of my control to a larger extent than what makes me comfortable. And I know too that when I finally manage to shake off this temporal situation, an anxiety will overcome me and, a desire for movement and change and uncertainty will eclipse my feeling of security. “When the mind is secure it is in decay” according to Krishnamurti. --I'm of the same opinion, I think!

So there we have it. There it is. And there it goes. Over the wall under the fence and into the wild blue yonder, the field the future the rest of your lives the positive negative wholesome dolesome bothersome lonesome and sometimes fearsome. WE ARE IN THE WRONG POSITION.
And I thank you for remaining
with love
  ..ed

On and on again

An' I will stroll the merry way,An' jump the hedges first.An' I will drink the clear, clean water,For to quench my thirst.An' I shall watch the ferry-boats an' they'll get high.On a bluer ocean, against tomorrow's sky.An' I will never grow so old again.An' I will walk and talk, in gardens all wet with rain.

Living goes on and on. Always that way and nothing more. I wake up in the morning and sleep through the night. On and on.
If I were a horse I'd go horsing around seek the joys in spring and gallop to the top of the hill. I'd canter and neigh and have better things to say. But here I am, city dweller, at a loose-end fellar.
I'm a foriegner. That's what happens in other countries! And lets not tell tales here. Lets not get uppity or crabbit. Lets get to the truth of it all. Yep you know what I'm about to say cause you've heard it all before and the repetition is becoming mantra like and the repetition is what we like.
I found a dream was behind the closed curtains of my bedroom and locked in the depths of slumber. I was flying and in complete control. Doing tricks in the mid air. Not so elegant, but tricks are tricks and to be doing them in defiance of gravity is a wonder to experience; no space for error with these pleasures.
I can't open doors when flying. Can't seem to get near them!

Visa is in the process now and only at a hundredth of the price I was advised and expecting. That's the good news but living conditions are as before-- shared, frustrating and not to my liking, but not in a position to protest-- Change will come, and soon I think.

Communication with the world and access to information and entertainments is restricted... the world out there is more distant than it once was. I can cope and keep my head. I can keep my mind from descending. I can bake a loaf. I can amuse myself with the books.

Even before the last time I ever remembered the first and only time I was with the one person that had made me sit down and think about the way things are, I was sure I`d been there before. I now Know I had not. It was just a false memory that got stuck in my head for a while and like these things when you think of them too much you start to believe they actually happened in the hard world of solid things. But I forget what was said most of the time and the remnants are not sharp enough to try and set them down in words here. I am happy for it to be this way because I can redo the whole idea in my head and update the relevent aspects so as to keep up with changes that continue to progress at a rate of normal time speed. That's .... normal... Y`know what I mean.
I will leave it there before I get myself confused like I did one time a while back.

Regards and big love and thanks to all and sundry

  ..ed
xx

every one is for nuts and the shakes

Learn to live, learn to love 

Learn to feel happy

Learn to recognise

Where the joy lies

Why do we cry -- why do we seek the impossible but never try to get there when opportunity knocks? You know the answers as well as I do and I only bring this to your attention in order for you to ponder on and on.

In the middle of certainties and unknowns. Onions, yer life is onions no more and no less. I know the secret of a life. A secret that is fully laden with wisdom and promise.. I bounce balls I can't stand it when evening falls-- at six at six at six all the time... Gimme more time and I'll give ye a sign- I'll give you a line that will open yer mind- a hint or a stint as a better person. A wee romance maybe, a feeling that you know something.-- Something you do in fact know very well but just won't open up and acknowledge. Of course no one needs me to tell them the things they  know/.. . I know them, we know them and still things are kept wrapped in pretty paper or lead encased boxes deep down low hidden in a midden and never to be opened/disclosed or exposed. .. I fear for those secret things and what will become of an accident that springs the lot of them.

Coming through the park recently arms long with vegetables and fit fanatics to my front and rear. me smoking too. them on the track, me too, round and round without a sound. I felt noble and fine with sun on my face and no problems other than the lengthening arms.  Thinking and bouncing along with the rhythms of old music in my earphonics. TAsty times these are, I won't always be doing this on fridays. I don't know that for sure but to think they may not always be that way gives reason to appreciate. no reason is needed. I appreciate.

And so the day slips from light into night all too soon and too sudden and then we know not what may arrive or arise in coming hours. We needn't wait. we are here --you and I and all the others moment by moment as it happens..

we love everyone  we love ourselves more

glad to be talking

learn Spanish they said

High voltage man kisses night to bring the light to those who need to hide their shadow-deed hide their shadow-deed
Seek electricity...........

Despite the years the sleepy reason and the passing time I am continuing my pursuit of knowledge in another idiom. Just trying to trying to trying to get it together. So. friday and my lesson somewhere near a place I know on a wet miserable morning I was entering the place of learning with my big tartan brolly which still does nothing for my feet shoes and lower trousers. Anyway, wet, and obviously miserable, I rang the bell and turned to await the buzzer releasing the metal gate when suddenly---I mean very suddenly-- my body shook spasmed jolted and... I don´t know what.. it just all went jolty.. My elbows kind of spazzed to my body and my brolly was stuck to the gate. I must have detached myself from the brolly- para-agua in Spanish I think... Then I feared for it --it´s just new! -- and I went to save it. I realised then what was happening. I was being electrocuted.
My brolly pointy tip had come into contact with overhead cable and sent it´s power through my body. I pulled at my brolly and managed to release it from the grip of the gate and composed myself before beginning my morning class. Alive.