You're a little fishy

The way to go is the way of the damned. There are grains of rice in wee piles with about 6 or 8 grains in each. We can make a party of less than never before yet land on the right track without using the breaking system. We don't have all the answers and we always wish we knew more than we actually do. A human thing that never let's go and never finds peace.

You can make that bubble burst if you have a big pin. Or a spear,, or a clear mind that's fair and kind.

Super CALI fraternistic....

I wanna find me a woman who’ll hold my big toe till I have to go

I wanna find a blue swirl plastic ocarina

About five miles long

And play with them sweet potatoes all night long

’cause them yams have all them eyes that yawn

‘yearn down yonder below the ground

‘n their golden hair is ah dirty brown

I wanna find me a woman that’ll hold my big toe till I go

I wanna hold me a woman that’ll find my big toe

Till I have to go

‘n sow my last sweet potato.

this is the new.. the ultimate brand new and the next best.

The changes have begun.. No, wait a minute, the changes have never stopped happening but the velocity has increased. The implementation of change. The fundamentals. the basic. the obvious.

Here we are at the middle of the month, a month, any month. big or wee. The last thing on my list is to finish.. And the last thing on the timetable is to escape.. I'm always attempting that part. Always it's on my mind.

This place is hot.. it's not damp but humid,, which is just hot damp. It's better. that's for sure. I prefer it to freeeezzzing. There are dangers too. it´s a big city. There are always dangers. Ok, Cali has a reputation, but it's not as bad as the statistics make it seem. Just because there are bodies strewn on the streets in the morning and the blood sticks to your feet and makes that sticky clicky sound... The bin men clean it up before the rush hour and you can walk without tripping over bits of death!!!

And bad news filters in, even to here, in the heat in the sun. Even the comforts of the tropical can be dampened when trouble befalls friends. Ach, there's no escaping the bad shit, it travels more than I do and drags even the noblest of creatures down to a lower level.

I've had PC problems. in fact I've had a lot more than PC problems. but I've also had PC problems and that has stopped me from adding music to this place. It's caused creative absenteeism, it's saved the world from further suffering. It's a blessing really. And you should think yourselves fortunate to be free of my sad emotional flailings.

I am, however,  going to give you a wee bit of sound, from a while ago. just to keep you in an unstable sort of existance. a shaky affair..

waiting is not waiting

It's not that everything revolves around sound. But it plays a major roll. It divides the days and creates reference points. It's not always good stuff! I like a lot of rubbish. The rubbish is sometimes better than the better stuff. I think so. Sound is sound. it's not competance it's not skill or knowledge. It could be some clicks or clacks. It can be the sound of a snail moving on a sheet of glass or an inflated rubber glove and amplified and amplified. Or the oooooo oooooing sound of eider ducks on a foggy coast in the rain, just out of site but sonically present.. So, it's best  not to be guns and fucking roses or bonjon bovine or whatever he or they are! and if it is, you can be sure it will be complete shite. And then, if it's faustain it will be,.. well, not all that good but a lot better than much of that stuff.

Leary Bleeder, Vicious British Boyfriend, Barbarous English Fayre, Gone All Weirdo,  Fanciable Headcase, Venerate Me Utterly,-------  some King of the Slums titles; ( kinda, The Raincoats with some northern slang, guts and guys).--- wait. I think maybe The Raincoats had more guts, anyway.  I was thinking of the time when some of  those bands from late eighties early nineties-- the Manchester scene - the indie stuff. And does anyone, anyone, remember Dub Sex, that guys voice was harsh.. great.  There were a wheen of bands I enjoyed back in those days --  New Fast Automatic Daffodils, , .  I would  go to see bands more than once a week back then, All the places- Rooftops, Daddy Warbucks, the Venue, Fury Murry's, Barrowlands, and a load of other places I no longer remember the names of.

It isn't important now. Then it was, and I enjoyed the scene back then. Music music music. And what has that to do with anything nowadays. Well, I was just thinking about it. the days back then. The nights, the lifestyle. Now it's different. that's obvious, that's natural. Now it's South America mostly. Colombia mostly. Working. taking charge. being good. sorting out the post apocalyptic stramash that was my recent experience in the cold dark Scottish winter. What a place that is, during December and January... oh maaan, it´s a scary place. The cold, the damp, the dark, the rain and snow. Ohhhhh.. That's not comfort. That's not luxurious.

Oh yeah.. I listened to a good thing last week. I always do.. but last week I was playing for the first time in ages- The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy---  They were good.. Television- the drug of a nation.... Amos and Andy,, and, Music and Politics--

...And I’d tell you that I’m suffering
from the worst type of loneliness
The loneliness of being misunderstood,
or more poignantly
the loneliness of being afraid
to allow myself to be understood

If ever I would stop thinking about music and politics
I would tell you that the personal revolution
is far more difficult
and is the first step in any revolution

If ever I would stop thinking about music and politics...
I would tell you that music is the expression of emotion
And that politics is merely the decoy of perception.

If you're not familiar with them I'd advise a listen. HipHop at it's best. From the early days.

And here I end my particular sort of rant. Leaving you with some thoughts to think about, or not, as you please... 

The sun always rises.. the night becomes the day, and light is dispensed. 

Keep your cards close to your chest and don't give too much away. It can be costly....

Be aware.

          be gracious 

                         love....  

  ..ed

The firmament is breaking...

Born to refuse, and raised to exclude 
Fed myths to disprove by post-colonial prudes:
The city was evil, some country was evil, the hippies were evil,
the writers were evil, the homeless were evil, the workers were evil,
the summer was evil, independence was evil.
Grown and released with the heart of a thief 
Wanting only to seek the very gentlest of streets where 
nobody's evil, nobody's evil....

 Another traumatic example of fear, confusion and loss.
Y'see these things, although based on recent events and the dark spaces in which my mind often dwells, are often inspired by a terrible nightmare dream I had repeatedly from about the age of six. It's not difficult to explain, it is a vision of destruction death and the end of the world.  Many many years later I discovered, a similar vision put to canvas by 19C artist John Martin.

The Great Day of His Wrath. 

Also, WB Yeats The Second Coming--.the ominous destruction and mysterious dark foreboding.

I recall also, Something -- that is first of all - a crumb -- a rock -- a mountain -- a planet -- a sun --  a universe, each being crushed by the next until all is metaphysical anarchy, the  feeling inside corresponds and is sickening... it torments the nerve endings.

everything falls (download)

I never finished the vocal of this piece and it sounds a bit dodgy, clipped and overly compressed.. the whole thing needs worked on but I am in a hurry all of a sudden, it sometimes happens. I need to do some worrying, fretting and trepidating. And that takes up a lot of time. forever changes...

You are also now able to visit me and listen or download at Bandcamp.

All this to-ing and fro-ing. It gets me confused and I need to step back a wee bit to get a better view. To help me, to try and get a better perspective, but the reality is lacking clarity, the unreal internalised view is what I see and that's just a blurred make-believe concept bearing little relation to even basic understanding. Just sitting is likely the best option. I'l just sit for some time and let it all happen. Trepidation eh! it comes without being called upon. just pushes it's way through. and before you know--~@#''# trepidating 

And also the passing of time has taken on a new soft beauty like in an aerial film sequence swooping gently over land, hill, and glen. A free as a bird quality, an eagle... or, graceful like a pelican low over water, never stalling.

something will always come along in the dark or in the light. Something less useful than first anticipated, it's a world of illusion and broken promises, lost causes, it's a world where I still hear people say things like --   life is wonderful  --  .. I don't shake them, or, even look them in the eye. I try to be good. I do. I really fucking do..

LOve and kisses

  ..ed

Further notes:

I can't control certain feelings of the heart, of love and of loss. I can't control, yet they seem to be able to take complete control of me without even the slightest concern for the damage/devastation being unleashed in my soul my body - my ability to carry on. 

 I find myself question the reasons for existence, Not for the first time, it must be said, but certainly the most intense occasion of self doubt and incapacity to understand the most basic fundamental laws of human nature. These things it seems, are not for me to comprehend. To let them be is as far as I can go. To sit, and observe - or not even to do that at times, with eyes closed but heart open I just sit and let it flow. However, sometimes a tangle appears and upsets the system, and this time, the system wrought devastation on me. The very firmament came down in broken flaming pieces. The anger and almost uncontrollable urge to partake in the overall destruction of all that has gone before or would come to exist..  hence I urge you.. please  please  do not... come. with. ME.

Ye cannae beat a boiled egg

One day this love will all blow over
Time for leaving the parade
Is there a place in this city
A place to always feel this way
And hey, there's a red car in the fountain

O
I don't have a new song to share so I will let you decide if you fancy downloading one from a year and a bit ago. It's not folk music, as you will already know if you listened to any of my other stuff. THis isn't quite so painful. Just a spraff. "y'know nuthin'"

to the wise... there. are. none. Not from me.. . I believe in keeping that stuff to myself.

But, for all of you--- ALL of you, a very happy and fulfilling new year
And silky kisses all over
xxx

little known man

Because I always feel like running
Not away, because there is no such place
Because, if there was I would have found it by now
Because it's easier to run,
Easier than staying and finding out you're the only one...who didn't run
Because the thing I fear cannot be escaped, eluded, avoided,
 hidden from, protected from, gotten away from,
Not without showing the fear as I see it now.

Click to download or listen

wrong again. the end is not nigh not nigh not nigh. So, rest yer worried head and bury those fears in yer palpi soul for another wee while. But the end of what? the world... that's what the old guys with the placards in 70's Glasgow used to mean when I was only wee. Thats what I think anyway! Something to do with sinning and punishment and all that codswallop. I don't know for sure really.

. An end, not of life. not of living...  the end is of the world -- as perceived in my mind. and that's just a lot of shite. it isn't a wonderful thing or an episode to be cherished. it's a simple fight for survival with all sorts of demon monsters attempting to thwart you at every opportunity. These monsters are almost invariably human monsters. created not by mothers, not by families. These fuckers are formed by society and they are evil on this earth. they will do you. they will smash you and scare you. they will always be there to wield their power and the more you conform the more you become part of the monster. don't conform and you must keep on running because they won't let you be. Not as you are. not as independent, not as free,  not as wonderful or kind. the culture insists on fear, blame and greed.

one day I had a fledgling wren in the hood of my top. I put my top on and a wee tiny baby wren was suddenly part of my clothing. He didn't seem too keen on leaving but I urged him/her on, and off it went into the trees where a mummy wren was soon in attendance. That wren was very small.
I worked for a man this summer who found a young pigeon in his shoe when he was getting ready to go out in the morning. The man was keen on nature. But still, wasn't very pleased at the pigeon chick because it had shat in his shoe a lot and it was really stinky he said.
He had a rib of a whale in his front garden. He'd found this on a beach when he'd lived on the Orkney Isles. He now has a bird feeder that feeds more sparrows than I've seen for years. Such a lot of sparrows.

And the everyday living goes on and on in this cold dark winter punishing me, for what crimes I have no idea. The people here seem to think it's ok. It's just another winter... but. It's bleak. All this driechness. And the sun. The sun can hardly be bothered to raise itself. It gets as high as the roofs of the houses and shoots across westward casting chimney stack shadows onto the cold damp streets. One minute I'm blinded by the low lying sun next minute it's gone and the winter darkness is the blinding agent.

What do I want?... What do you care? I'm at a junction. Crossroad. intersection. waiting for the time to help me make up my mind. And where is it next.... it's away I suppose, because its never here. Always somewhere else. The place I'm at is always not the place to be.

I am a Little Known Man. is my latest offering to you and, to the gods that so often misguide me.
Now run along and take with you any ideas you might posses about where I am going to be soon.
Enjoy the present
love and everything good
  ..ed

getting ready to escape again

Well, I've been crushing the symptoms
but I can't locate the cause.
Could God really be so cruel?
To give us feelings that could never be fulfilled. Baby!
I've got my sights set on you. I've got my sight set on you
And someday, someday, someday, you'll come my way.
But when you put your arms around me
I'll be looking over your shoulder for something new
'cause I ain't ever found peace upon the breast of a girl
I ain't ever found peace with the religion of the world
I ain't ever found peace at the bottom of a glass
sometimes it seems the more I ask for the less I receive.

This is the new thing, the next step, and the future beckons with miriad colours shades and under construction esplanades.
The hurt of growing up and the pain of starting again means I seem to always be in a state of being never quite sure what's going on and what's coming and what's gone. One thing for sure is that everything changes. And the past week has seen these ever changing wheels rotate until I find myself beside myself and conversing even, with the familiar face of a passing self. An episode that could develop into brain fever despondency and madness. Yet I sleep sound and rise in the morn with chattering birdies crackling in the air. The starling rises before I do, much to my delight as its audible chatter never fails to entice a smile on my soporific lips.
My first yawn heralds the initiation of another day. But. Having cracked a smile before the realisation of having to face yet another wearisome day signals the possibility of further illuminating moments. I rise

And for me to poke a finger in the eye of this precious life we are blessed with... oh yeah, aren't we blessed.. with pain suffering famine disease, and G.R.E.E.D.
Together or apart. it's all one really. Life is about forgetting and not learning. experiencing and not erudition.
Life is about dying. Everything leads to death and everyone needs to garner knowledge to accept the single and only inevitable.
And so for all the millions of visitors to this humble self deprecating blog. Ha. Right!

For you then. my single devotee. my only friend. my shining light in this all pervading gloom.
I am giving. I'm a giving sort of fellow...
here below lies, a link to download a faustain recording in MP3 format.

getting ready to escape again

don't let the inevitable discomfort you.

with love and emotion, I bid you well

  ..ed

of less than 15-- a short playing long player

I am angry I am ill and I'm as ugly as sin 

My irritability keeps me alive and kicking

I know the meaning of life, it doesn't help me a bit 

I know beauty and I know a good thing when I see it

the newest lp by faustain the great is now complete and crap. Yep. It's the latest thing and no doubt about it. Recorded 100% in Scotland. It's a kind of small lp considering it has just less than 15 tracks. Won't take long to listen to, if you don't like a track don't worry, it'll be finished by the time you realize!. Simps, cannae beat it. It might be shite but it doesn't last for long. Minimum annoyance. And if you do like it you can listen to it over and over again, many times. 

The image below takes you to a download site to access the album, or  ***here***

 my special last thought of climbing the beech tree nearby and contemplating the risks. Common danger associated with possible accidental fall. I won't forego caution if the urge takes me to have an attempt at a scaling.

The country I am from is a plaincrash. and 55% of the people endorse this. I fancied something very different and beautiful.

I wont start prattling on a load o'rubbish like ah normally do. just keep it short and not linger. Curt, I need to be curt. Just say what I intend to impart and that's it ...out of here. away to buggery and fast as a shite on a bike. It's just that I've got a funny feeling in my head just now; a warm confusion sort of sensation. I bit kind of crushing in on me too. This might be important in a non physiological capacity. I'm not saying it's anything. Just saying that I was aware of it. That's all. So I will carry on now and be finished.

Enjoy everything you can

as often as you can

  ..ed