every one is for nuts and the shakes

Learn to live, learn to love 

Learn to feel happy

Learn to recognise

Where the joy lies

Why do we cry -- why do we seek the impossible but never try to get there when opportunity knocks? You know the answers as well as I do and I only bring this to your attention in order for you to ponder on and on.

In the middle of certainties and unknowns. Onions, yer life is onions no more and no less. I know the secret of a life. A secret that is fully laden with wisdom and promise.. I bounce balls I can't stand it when evening falls-- at six at six at six all the time... Gimme more time and I'll give ye a sign- I'll give you a line that will open yer mind- a hint or a stint as a better person. A wee romance maybe, a feeling that you know something.-- Something you do in fact know very well but just won't open up and acknowledge. Of course no one needs me to tell them the things they  know/.. . I know them, we know them and still things are kept wrapped in pretty paper or lead encased boxes deep down low hidden in a midden and never to be opened/disclosed or exposed. .. I fear for those secret things and what will become of an accident that springs the lot of them.

Coming through the park recently arms long with vegetables and fit fanatics to my front and rear. me smoking too. them on the track, me too, round and round without a sound. I felt noble and fine with sun on my face and no problems other than the lengthening arms.  Thinking and bouncing along with the rhythms of old music in my earphonics. TAsty times these are, I won't always be doing this on fridays. I don't know that for sure but to think they may not always be that way gives reason to appreciate. no reason is needed. I appreciate.

And so the day slips from light into night all too soon and too sudden and then we know not what may arrive or arise in coming hours. We needn't wait. we are here --you and I and all the others moment by moment as it happens..

we love everyone  we love ourselves more

glad to be talking

learn Spanish they said

High voltage man kisses night to bring the light to those who need to hide their shadow-deed hide their shadow-deed
Seek electricity...........

Despite the years the sleepy reason and the passing time I am continuing my pursuit of knowledge in another idiom. Just trying to trying to trying to get it together. So. friday and my lesson somewhere near a place I know on a wet miserable morning I was entering the place of learning with my big tartan brolly which still does nothing for my feet shoes and lower trousers. Anyway, wet, and obviously miserable, I rang the bell and turned to await the buzzer releasing the metal gate when suddenly---I mean very suddenly-- my body shook spasmed jolted and... I don´t know what.. it just all went jolty.. My elbows kind of spazzed to my body and my brolly was stuck to the gate. I must have detached myself from the brolly- para-agua in Spanish I think... Then I feared for it --it´s just new! -- and I went to save it. I realised then what was happening. I was being electrocuted.
My brolly pointy tip had come into contact with overhead cable and sent it´s power through my body. I pulled at my brolly and managed to release it from the grip of the gate and composed myself before beginning my morning class. Alive.

the Rhythm of cruelty Answers

Thru the rhythm of darkened times  

Painted black by knowledge crimes

And repetitions pointless mime 

Instilling values the sick define 

That keeps the fabric that keeps you blind 

And ties your hands and cloaks your mind 

But on my stilts, I'm above the slime 

Hell,o , and are you listening and are you sitting. This little batch of words are here to ferment and attempt to convey a wee bit of the recent goings on, Never got that bastard visa today, I think it was the gods. They high and michty demons from above, never trust the fucking gods. never. And here's me old enough now to know that much. So there goes a flight and here comes another night, stuffed into the Bogota stinky greasy cafe dorm.yeah  And I know I could have changed that but I didny so go and suck some apples and don't lear at me in that old fashioned way.
I won't go easy on Ecuadorians . Why should I. They just ask for people like me to spread my miserable gossip all over town and all over anything I can find. And I'm leaving. Yes I'm leaving.
I'm going to immigrate emmigrate exterminate by the time I leave I think. Yep, Going to Immigrate. That's not where. Not  a place. Couldn't care if it was if truth be told --and it always should-- Nope, not going there. Going to the south the far down deep down distant south of South America. To live to give to hopefully not become abusive towards the people I will be amongst.

But I need to bloody well get  there before I can go blasting my mouth off about it. Got to get that pain in the arse visa from the bloody Ecuadorians so I can go get my stuff and my wife before taking to the road... long long road south to where seasons will become a feature again. to where reasons for living may become a feature again. But first things first. i'nt it. Visa..

Just an idea that you might want to be aware and let me share this state of affairs. And that's how it is. It's a short story. Not the best not passing the test. And I need a rest so off to eat and waddle down the cobbled street.

Off I go then

lovers

  ..ed

When I cut myself - I think of you

Trying so hard to cleanse myself,
I was turning into somebody else.
I was trying so hard to please myself,
I was turning into somebody else.
I was trying so hard to be myself
I was turning into somebody else.
I was trying so hard to be myself
I was turning into somebody else.
I was trying so hard to be myself
I was turning into somebody else.

Come my love with your desire
Out of the blue...and into the fire!!

I am just sitting and waiting thinking and brooding. I am the latest. The very greatest, and I admit I´m often wrong. But this is not of great importance. In fact it is the way of my life. Not so important. Just ticking like the clock on the wall. Ticking And talking and advancing with the Tiks talking to the pricks that are willing to lend an ear--or an eye!.

Jumbled and jossled. I keep singing the same songs to myself--only, without the words because I really don´t know the words to any songs.. Maybe three songs in the world I know most of the words to and even then They are likely incorrect. I have a problem getting to grips with the words. I don´t remember them, that´s all. Not much different from learning Spanish. About 4 years I´ve been here, off and on, and still my Spanish is shite beyond compare. I live with it--either that or I don´t, meaning get out or be dead. For the time being I am living with it. And not just that. I live with many other inconveniences. Hard to believe eh? !! But there are some, even in my life of complete ease and simplicity. Lets see. This country is full of shite people to put it blunt. Dishonest ignorant two face liars and cheats. Thats just for starters. It´s not that bad since I communicate only in a limited fashion with them. I observe and take note of others experiences and opinions--In general -- they share my view. I came accross this the other day--

Aren´t we nice people?

She puts it perfectly.

To pass the lonely hours, recently I´ve been downloading podcasts from the BBC. anything I find--In our time- philosophy, Religion, Science, culture, History, .. Desert Island Discs, Things you should know, Scottish football. Off the the ball. and a few others besides.. I just need some mental stimulation when in Esmeraldas. Off the ball doesnt supply that incidently. It´s not even as funny as it once was but I keep up to date with it anyway. As for Melvyn Bragg, the radio shows are often enlightening and inspirational.

I need to mention I am in a state of flux at the moment having to decide where and what and why I am going to do in the near future. I am thinking ...

this is a process. I think slow and move slow and live slow. So, things take time. especially with me. lots of time. And, sometimes I use time as a toy, to regret in later life I suppose. Just like slouching in my chair as a schoolboy and teachers telling me I´d regret it in later life. They were correct. I know and I knew then. I think maybe finally people decide to do the right thing just before death-if indeed they have the time to contemplate. I will do that. I am aware of the errors at the moment but still I don´t react. Foolish or stubborn or both.!

Terrible terrible luxury life.

I will speak again I assume.

So, love and shiny brass horns blowing soulful melodies into the sky--

´til next time...

xxxxx

Not arresting

Did you ever wake up to find
A day that broke up your mind
Destroyed your notion of circular time

It's just that demon life has got you in its sway

What's there to do when there's nobody round what's there to do do you care,,..

It's just rubbish this ----distance dullness dreary dead space time and and a low emotional state that is need of some sort o' arse kicking. shaking. escaping. Yeah that might be a short term remedy. I am considering a move to India-- or maybe even Pakistan, a few months just-- in the warmth and maybe even amidst the high up himalayas, perhaps the Karakoram- perhaps Kashmir or Sikkim maybe neither, maybe I could just find a quiet spot in the south- better food and less people hassle. Oh, it's just a wee idea for now. but something has to give. Someone has to give- has to give a lump o' callydosh to set me on my way.

A message to You

It doesn't matter if we never meet again
What we have said will always remain

Here is another year, new to all. It's a bit of a rigmarole, all the preparation and expectation--all leading to a quite indefinable disillusionment. And again we burn the past and open our arms and kiss in the New Year. Oh this will be the one, this will be different, this will bring change this will be my year this will bring profit prosperity greed need and want this will be my year this will be my year MY YEAR. Well guess what sonny Jim Bob----This is just another day and it's gonnae continue like all the previous days, Oh yeah there will be change--nothing is permanent as we know- the process of development and metamorphosis goes on aand on. But don't let yourself get carried away with high fallutin' ideas about a new dawn. That's a load of cods wallop and deep inside, you know it!!

I'm going to be super positive this year, I'm going to have a new outlook, I'm going to have a strange and exciting time, from waking up to waking up, all will be free and easy sexy and sensational, I will ride white horses and touch the sky with my lips on sundays I will take away the pain I will take away the pain. I will be in touch with the other side of everything and feel the motion of space in my fingertips. I will be stringy in my clothes that I will buy new I will be a sincere fucker who doesn't let go I will not let go. I will be a double figure all year long a fourth chance to make the numbers count. I will be on your mind seldomly you will occupy my thoughts constantly, I will have the energy of a wolf and the strength of one too I will just keep going when even the water is finished dripping .. drip drip.... drip ... onto parched land and sinking slowly.

And to you my dear lovely friends, amigos compadres, I bid you a happy and prosperous new Year

With all the love in my heart and concern in my mind

I am hoping you all cope.

Love and heartfelt kisses

..ed

xxxx

Rise of legends

I believe in little birds
I believe in dirty girls
I believe in going to hell

I believe I'll ring that bell

I believe in travelling far

I believe in the loud guitar

I believe that elvis is king

I believe in everything

but most of all I've got to say

I believe in Rock'n'Roll

There was an owl. I sighted it outside the flat around midnight. A pale dark shadow descending into a small square of wasteground outside my flat near Parque Carolina on Avenida De Los Shiris. I kept an eye on it's landing position realising it was most likely an owl. After a few moments of desperate rodent squeal, the bird rose and landed on a fence post only 20 metres from me. In its short bill dangled a decent sized rat, silent and lifeless. The almost white coloured bird, larger than I expected, was similar to a Barn Owl in it's markings but certainly larger. It sat still for about 60 seconds before spreading it's substantial wings and gracefully rising over Plaza de Argentinas, her pale plummage illuminated in the high set street lights. Beautiful and graceful. Leaving behind a wonderful excitement in a Scottish guy at a kitchen window smoking a cigarrette of Drum tobacco around midnight.

I cook my veg and eat it heartily. Leaving no morsels for the birdies or insects. That's the way it should be I think. My rice cooking is not improving, yesterday in my attempt at rice integral I realized no improvement whatsoever in the past 25 years. ´

There was a census here a couple of weeks ago. On a sunday. What a perverse situation that was. I was alone in the flat with Joaquine- Ok, I wasn´t alone! The census people arrive just after 8.00 am, two young girls in school uniform about 14 years old. The streets outside were silent and still. No traffic. No people on the pavements. No sign of life except for the occasional uniformed gunman or should I say gun duo, they hunted in pairs. I answered the questions- of which there were many, as best as I was able in a language I am no fluent speaker of. This lasted about a half hour. So from 8.30 until 5.30 that evening Joaquine and I were incarcerated in the apartment. To venture out would have meant bullets in the body for sure.

Despite these constraints it was rather fine to have a day of such silence and freedom from auto pollution .

Over the next couple of days Joaquine´s health deteriorated and culminated in a five day spell in hospital suffering from pneumonia. I don't blame the census for that. Joaquine is now back to his usual mischievous self.

I got up early today and went to Cyrano for bread and cakes. I neglected to buy a loaf yesterday. A mistake of course.

The legends of the future are maybe my friends today. I regret I cannot spot a legend before the official proclamation. I don't mind that. If they be legends let them be legends without my authority I say.

I am not sacrificing to you information regarding my inner feelings at this time. I would dissapoint you. I would not impress anyone.

Let's let it be for the time being. I can't give much. I don´t have much to give. I can tell thee to relax and not be uptight and be good to others. respect all living things and make decisions that will be detrimental only to thyself. As I try to.

My love and wishes of glorious splendidness

..ed

xxxx