Faustain's Place

learn Spanish they said

2012-01-21T20:14:00.000-08:00

High voltage man kisses night to bring the light to those who need to hide their shadow-deed hide their shadow-deed
Seek electricity...........

Despite the years the sleepy reason and the passing time I am continuing my pursuit of knowledge in another idiom. Just trying to trying to trying to get it together. So. friday and my lesson somewhere near a place I know on a wet miserable morning I was entering the place of learning with my big tartan brolly which still does nothing for my feet shoes and lower trousers. Anyway, wet, and obviously miserable, I rang the bell and turned to await the buzzer releasing the metal gate when suddenly---I mean very suddenly-- my body shook spasmed jolted and... I don´t know what.. it just all went jolty.. My elbows kind of spazzed to my body and my brolly was stuck to the gate. I must have detached myself from the brolly- para-agua in Spanish I think... Then I feared for it --it´s just new! -- and I went to save it. I realised then what was happening. I was being electrocuted.
My brolly pointy tip had come into contact with overhead cable and sent it´s power through my body. I pulled at my brolly and managed to release it from the grip of the gate and composed myself before beginning my morning class. Alive.

the Rhythm of cruelty Answers

2011-11-24T15:57:00.001-08:00

Thru the rhythm of darkened times

Painted black by knowledge crimes

And repetitions pointless mime

Instilling values the sick define

That keeps the fabric that keeps you blind

And ties your hands and cloaks your mind

But on my stilts, I'm above the slime

Hell,o , and are you listening and are you sitting. This little batch of words are here to ferment and attempt to convey a wee bit of the recent goings on, Never got that bastard visa today, I think it was the gods. They high and michty demons from above, never trust the fucking gods. never. And here's me old enough now to know that much. So there goes a flight and here comes another night, stuffed into the Bogota stinky greasy cafe dorm.yeah And I know I could have changed that but I didny so go and suck some apples and don't lear at me in that old fashioned way.
I won't go easy on Ecuadorians . Why should I. They just ask for people like me to spread my miserable gossip all over town and all over anything I can find. And I'm leaving. Yes I'm leaving.
I'm going to immigrate emmigrate exterminate by the time I leave I think. Yep, Going to Immigrate. That's not where. Not a place. Couldn't care if it was if truth be told --and it always should-- Nope, not going there. Going to the south the far down deep down distant south of South America. To live to give to hopefully not become abusive towards the people I will be amongst.

But I need to bloody well get there before I can go blasting my mouth off about it. Got to get that pain in the arse visa from the bloody Ecuadorians so I can go get my stuff and my wife before taking to the road... long long road south to where seasons will become a feature again. to where reasons for living may become a feature again. But first things first. i'nt it. Visa..

Just an idea that you might want to be aware and let me share this state of affairs. And that's how it is. It's a short story. Not the best not passing the test. And I need a rest so off to eat and waddle down the cobbled street.

Off I go then

lovers

..ed

When I cut myself - I think of you

2011-10-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

Trying so hard to cleanse myself,
I was turning into somebody else.
I was trying so hard to please myself,
I was turning into somebody else.
I was trying so hard to be myself
I was turning into somebody else.
I was trying so hard to be myself
I was turning into somebody else.
I was trying so hard to be myself
I was turning into somebody else.

Come my love with your desire
Out of the blue...and into the fire!!

I am just sitting and waiting thinking and brooding. I am the latest. The very greatest, and I admit I´m often wrong. But this is not of great importance. In fact it is the way of my life. Not so important. Just ticking like the clock on the wall. Ticking And talking and advancing with the Tiks talking to the pricks that are willing to lend an ear--or an eye!.

Jumbled and jossled. I keep singing the same songs to myself--only, without the words because I really don´t know the words to any songs.. Maybe three songs in the world I know most of the words to and even then They are likely incorrect. I have a problem getting to grips with the words. I don´t remember them, that´s all. Not much different from learning Spanish. About 4 years I´ve been here, off and on, and still my Spanish is shite beyond compare. I live with it--either that or I don´t, meaning get out or be dead. For the time being I am living with it. And not just that. I live with many other inconveniences. Hard to believe eh? !! But there are some, even in my life of complete ease and simplicity. Lets see. This country is full of shite people to put it blunt. Dishonest ignorant two face liars and cheats. Thats just for starters. It´s not that bad since I communicate only in a limited fashion with them. I observe and take note of others experiences and opinions--In general -- they share my view. I came accross this the other day--

Aren´t we nice people?

She puts it perfectly.

To pass the lonely hours, recently I´ve been downloading podcasts from the BBC. anything I find--In our time- philosophy, Religion, Science, culture, History, .. Desert Island Discs, Things you should know, Scottish football. Off the the ball. and a few others besides.. I just need some mental stimulation when in Esmeraldas. Off the ball doesnt supply that incidently. It´s not even as funny as it once was but I keep up to date with it anyway. As for Melvyn Bragg, the radio shows are often enlightening and inspirational.

I need to mention I am in a state of flux at the moment having to decide where and what and why I am going to do in the near future. I am thinking ...

this is a process. I think slow and move slow and live slow. So, things take time. especially with me. lots of time. And, sometimes I use time as a toy, to regret in later life I suppose. Just like slouching in my chair as a schoolboy and teachers telling me I´d regret it in later life. They were correct. I know and I knew then. I think maybe finally people decide to do the right thing just before death-if indeed they have the time to contemplate. I will do that. I am aware of the errors at the moment but still I don´t react. Foolish or stubborn or both.!

Terrible terrible luxury life.

I will speak again I assume.

So, love and shiny brass horns blowing soulful melodies into the sky--

´til next time...

xxxxx

Not arresting

2011-04-01T06:35:00.000-07:00

Did you ever wake up to find
A day that broke up your mind
Destroyed your notion of circular time
It's just that demon life has got you in its sway

What's there to do when there's nobody round what's there to do do you care,,..

It's just rubbish this ----distance dullness dreary dead space time and and a low emotional state that is need of some sort o' arse kicking. shaking. escaping. Yeah that might be a short term remedy. I am considering a move to India-- or maybe even Pakistan, a few months just-- in the warmth and maybe even amidst the high up himalayas, perhaps the Karakoram- perhaps Kashmir or Sikkim maybe neither, maybe I could just find a quiet spot in the south- better food and less people hassle. Oh, it's just a wee idea for now. but something has to give. Someone has to give- has to give a lump o' callydosh to set me on my way.

A message to You

2011-01-04T08:38:00.000-08:00

It doesn't matter if we never meet again
What we have said will always remain

Here is another year, new to all. It's a bit of a rigmarole, all the preparation and expectation--all leading to a quite indefinable disillusionment. And again we burn the past and open our arms and kiss in the New Year. Oh this will be the one, this will be different, this will bring change this will be my year this will bring profit prosperity greed need and want this will be my year this will be my year MY YEAR. Well guess what sonny Jim Bob----This is just another day and it's gonnae continue like all the previous days, Oh yeah there will be change--nothing is permanent as we know- the process of development and metamorphosis goes on aand on. But don't let yourself get carried away with high fallutin' ideas about a new dawn. That's a load of cods wallop and deep inside, you know it!!

I'm going to be super positive this year, I'm going to have a new outlook, I'm going to have a strange and exciting time, from waking up to waking up, all will be free and easy sexy and sensational, I will ride white horses and touch the sky with my lips on sundays I will take away the pain I will take away the pain. I will be in touch with the other side of everything and feel the motion of space in my fingertips. I will be stringy in my clothes that I will buy new I will be a sincere fucker who doesn't let go I will not let go. I will be a double figure all year long a fourth chance to make the numbers count. I will be on your mind seldomly you will occupy my thoughts constantly, I will have the energy of a wolf and the strength of one too I will just keep going when even the water is finished dripping .. drip drip.... drip ... onto parched land and sinking slowly.

And to you my dear lovely friends, amigos compadres, I bid you a happy and prosperous new Year

With all the love in my heart and concern in my mind

I am hoping you all cope.

Love and heartfelt kisses

..ed

xxxx

Rise of legends

2010-12-13T07:22:00.000-08:00

I believe in little birds
I believe in dirty girls
I believe in going to hell
I believe I'll ring that bell
I believe in travelling far
I believe in the loud guitar
I believe that elvis is king
I believe in everything
but most of all I've got to say
I believe in Rock'n'Roll

There was an owl. I sighted it outside the flat around midnight. A pale dark shadow descending into a small square of wasteground outside my flat near Parque Carolina on Avenida De Los Shiris. I kept an eye on it's landing position realising it was most likely an owl. After a few moments of desperate rodent squeal, the bird rose and landed on a fence post only 20 metres from me. In its short bill dangled a decent sized rat, silent and lifeless. The almost white coloured bird, larger than I expected, was similar to a Barn Owl in it's markings but certainly larger. It sat still for about 60 seconds before spreading it's substantial wings and gracefully rising over Plaza de Argentinas, her pale plummage illuminated in the high set street lights. Beautiful and graceful. Leaving behind a wonderful excitement in a Scottish guy at a kitchen window smoking a cigarrette of Drum tobacco around midnight.

I cook my veg and eat it heartily. Leaving no morsels for the birdies or insects. That's the way it should be I think. My rice cooking is not improving, yesterday in my attempt at rice integral I realized no improvement whatsoever in the past 25 years. ´

There was a census here a couple of weeks ago. On a sunday. What a perverse situation that was. I was alone in the flat with Joaquine- Ok, I wasn´t alone! The census people arrive just after 8.00 am, two young girls in school uniform about 14 years old. The streets outside were silent and still. No traffic. No people on the pavements. No sign of life except for the occasional uniformed gunman or should I say gun duo, they hunted in pairs. I answered the questions- of which there were many, as best as I was able in a language I am no fluent speaker of. This lasted about a half hour. So from 8.30 until 5.30 that evening Joaquine and I were incarcerated in the apartment. To venture out would have meant bullets in the body for sure.

Despite these constraints it was rather fine to have a day of such silence and freedom from auto pollution .

Over the next couple of days Joaquine´s health deteriorated and culminated in a five day spell in hospital suffering from pneumonia. I don't blame the census for that. Joaquine is now back to his usual mischievous self.

I got up early today and went to Cyrano for bread and cakes. I neglected to buy a loaf yesterday. A mistake of course.

The legends of the future are maybe my friends today. I regret I cannot spot a legend before the official proclamation. I don't mind that. If they be legends let them be legends without my authority I say.

I am not sacrificing to you information regarding my inner feelings at this time. I would dissapoint you. I would not impress anyone.

Let's let it be for the time being. I can't give much. I don´t have much to give. I can tell thee to relax and not be uptight and be good to others. respect all living things and make decisions that will be detrimental only to thyself. As I try to.

My love and wishes of glorious splendidness

..ed

xxxx

chicken town

2010-10-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

If you wait another day
I will wait a day
If you wait another day
I will wait a day
The time has got me in its sway
Though I'd like to ride away
I will wait another day

It's another day where the cloud hangs low and and the heat is high. Dogs continue to bark and the ants continue to scurry here there and everybloodywhere. The people dote sullenly, heads hung low and lacking any vitality. Any acknowledgement is a small but empty victory from any of these wreckages.

I have wandered the few streets of this town and seen nothing but corrugated roofed ramshackle buildings, scrawny chickens in the yard, old tyres for mosquito larvae, broken plant pots containing long dead plants, discarded lumps of rotting wood and clothing that have become rooted.

The barking and chicken crowing persist all day long and still it doesn't cease as evening falls on this deforested land; yet night after night the cloud clears to enable the moon and stars to gaze down on this pitiful spectacle. I shudder to understand why.

It started out as a bit of an adventure, a different environment in which to discover and explore. The novelty lasted for a while, about a day and a half, before it dawned on me there was no exploring to do and the only discovery was that of disgust as to why people allow this sad state of affairs, no pride, no respect and not even the slightest will to work together towards improvement..It's another day where the cloud hangs low and and the heat is high. Dogs continue to bark and the ants continue to scurry here there and everybloodywhere. The people dote sullenly, heads hung low and lacking any vitality. Any acknowledgement is a small but empty victory from any of these wreckages.

Huh, maybe I'm a bit harsh towards the people. But it remains a shithole of a town. And to that I must add my own mental and physical conditions. Sore head, sore throat, hot chest, and a bundle of depression! Oh yes, this is the life. There is MJ though. The occasional hours together are still precious moments and I grasp them with both hands and clutch them with white fingers unwilling to let go but having to anyway!

This weekend I will spend in the city. Where there are parks and shops and entertainments to be found. Maybe not a wife, but a release from the constraints of shared accommodation dogs ants chickens and all the other annoyances.

And still I love .you

..ed

Beech fool

2010-10-08T15:57:00.000-07:00

Ain't nothing but a stranger in this world
I'm nothing but a stranger in this world
I got a home on high in another land
So far away, so far away

Buses eh!!!

Speaking of which, I've been spending a lot of time on them recently. It's wearisome it really is.

Now I am in the country in which I am due to spend a large portion of the next section of my life and it seems to me it is going to be a time... A time unlike another time. A time unlike a time I have previously known. And since the future is always an unknown entity it is quite an obvious statement to make. Yes it's perfectly true that I am a fool.

Many things to consider at the moment. Many things to accept and try to not consider. I consider myself a fool. It makes any other explanation easier to accept. A fool to dig the holes a fool to keep on digging and a fool because it's easy. I don't really mind this. I know what I know and it's not as if I'm stupid. I'm not. Some people may think I am but I am aware of enough to know that I am not. I am not, however, clever. That would just be daft to go imagining that to be the case.

Tomorrow I will be A tree. A big swaying beech. Like the ones I know in Scotland. A very beautiful tree in my opinion. Great shape, leaves which are simple but everchanging. And the fruit is encased in these pleasingly textured pods that slowly curl open revealing the slim crispy cased nuts. Yes, a fine tree is the beech.

And it gets cold here. I feel the cold and it hurt my bones. I hate that cold. But This is not where I'm stopping this time I will move a little farther down the line into the jungle. onto that equator line where everything is weightless accept the weight of the mind....

I must now party.

My love to you once again is deep and strong

..ed

andmoreagain

2010-10-05T18:47:00.001-07:00

take this pill and wash it down
it'll bring out the beast in you
the road up to the past has long been closed
and what is that past to me now
an echo that just could not keep
from bouncing off a bricked up door

It's a good time to wait. It's a certainty that waiting will always come to an end, all things do!!!!

Where I now am is just north of the equator. I am going to live more or less right on it. That fat line neither north nor south. Just in the middle. and me so finely balanced, such a wonder of nature that has become infinitely equipoised as to create wonder from all those fortunate enough to bear witness. Ach, it's just fantastic//////////

There are problems in these times and most of them are mine. I just don't react well when I feel I should. I don't react quite often. I lay blame- if blame is the word I should use- on my upbringing, that way I feel less guilt - if guilt is the word I should use- ||||||||||||| now. If I were to be a bit more frank I would admit to my many faults and deliver unto thee a confessional jamboree. = you would not be interested-- I know you wouldn't. Nor would I.

My tummy is all tumblin'. I see a darkness, I like the song and the light can be blinding. But physically I feel less than fine.Mentally a nervy edge to all my thoughts, and nothing can take that from me. It will be just 4 days from this moment and I will be back in the bosom of my new family unit. After a six month intercontinental detachment, I will be once again in the arms of love. and experiencing the fantastic. oh, but what a complex set of emotions are running around in my noodle head,, an creating all sorts of side effects that are so hard to abate.

Am I happy? Are you asking? It's a philosophical conundrum. I refuse to be drawn-----

how times change.... and people, people also

I love you always

cheers

..ed

my uncertainty .. my my

2009-10-07T12:28:00.001-07:00

I know the highest and the best
I accord them all due respect
but the brightest jewel inside of me
glows with pleasure at my own stupidity

It's not so hot. Nothing to hatch. or catch. A slow time indeed, as the muscles ache with over use or little use. calling the awaiting bleep. Stranglehold on this delectable life of swarming and dawning days. The last time I did this I had a smile on my face. The fizzer hud a grin, noo this sonsie zog is in a contemptuous grimace and battling hard to keep it at that only. With this persistant state of living. This unequaled unrivaled monotony that haunts and flaunts its anguish, To me... Fir fuksake. What have ah did tay insite sich betrayals. I cannae fathom it. and it goes on..and on and on. I don't want to be makin' a great big deal of it... but. Y'know. It isnae just. there's no morality that would allow this to be given as a punishment, even for some fairly nasty deed. An deeds of that sort I don't partake in. Oh no. not me. Ah've got some principles y'know. They may not be conventional, or convenient at times, but principles they are nonetheless, and by them I stand. details of such fine credentials can be had if you wish to have them. just gimme a wee bit time to set them out for ye. .. / but naw, No' the noo. a bit later mibby. but then .. mibby not.

The matter in hand is one of deep personal tragedy. It involves others; people that urny me but are known to me. I could divulge more regarding identities but I will keep it that wee bit more abstract, for the sake of those concerned.
As with all dilemmas it's simply a case of AYE or NAW. Should ah or should ah no'. nane o'that inbetween shite that some people go in for. It's a straight cut and dried case. should ah or should a no', as I said (the "di" part-of dilemma- reduces the options to just 2. as I just advised you) .. Och, fuck wi'this. Ahm no' gonnae explain the

The pure fact is that I am in this sort of dilemma. A more rational being would quite possibly no' even consider it to be as highly regarded as a dilemma but for this yin, mah goodsel'. A dilemma is whit it is. And for that reason alone I am justified in the fretin that is upon me as I write.

If ah cannae get to the bottom of this and make some sort of decision then I will need to give up. Whatever giving up means. Ahm no' sure coz there are always other fundamentals to consider. MAking a decision is never an easy thing to do when so many uncertainties persist. I'm the most uncertian fucker in existance. Ah can flounder, Ah can arse around and ah can ponder for ever and ever.but coming to a point of decision when there are things at stake. Possibly major things. My uncertainty

Where can I go what can I do. ???

There should be things in this world where you go to consult--spin a disc of somesort or whisper into a soggy mirror- it knows the ins and the outs of allthings and it comes upwith a suggestion from an objective standpoint. Ah just fancy a remedy that will make things more simple- you may say eddie, your shirking your responsibilties-, an' aye, ah suppose that wouldny be too far from the truth of it.

It's not even feeling all that important now. I will tell you about something else.
There were unexplained lights in the sky in 1944. now people want to keep on seeing them even altho they are now gone. And they must belong to spacemen. At least it's better than claiming it to be some godly visitation-- you know what things are like when the religions get a hold of them. Those religions of the world have a lot to answer for but lets be thankful they don't -to my knowledge anyway- stake a claim to the mid twentieth century unexplained lights in the sky. Real insiders willbe aware that they most likely came from secret human endeavors to create antigravity flight technology. The success of which is still a big secret!!

I want to go riding on horses. over fields at a gallop. MAn and beast- scorching across the firmament. Big smiles. exhilerating. juddereing about to the horses rhythm - holding on like for your life, screaming banshee, one flailing arm.. but not to fall off.not to be badly injured in a crash. just galloping into the wild blue yonder. EcuestrianRiders...

tata for today.

All my love and kisses for everyone.

riding riding

..ed
xxxx

Apocalypse or a poke o'chips

2009-06-17T05:23:00.000-07:00

Neither brother of Job nor the son of Knox
And karma’s nae cousin to me.
But I know when I’ve wronged and I’ve turned to the left
And travelled too far to see
Yeah I’ve lusted and lied and I’ve taken a line,
Spent money that wisnae mine
I’ve stared at the stars while laid in a ditch
With my belly all full o’ wine

This is where the dreams begin and the last of the old hingin' aboot the place boys gets to go daft over a wee bit o' happy fancy.

It could be said this is trifling. A course of action that can be easily mocked. Scorn, may even be heaped upon my suggestion. Or my actions. That said. I really am not in any mood to be concerned with those reproaches. They may just be figments. Figments of my overactive, but slow acting, mind. Look. I'm not gonnae go building myself up. making myself sound smart or wise or worldly. Coz ah know that ah umny any of these things. And whats more I'm very fond of how decrepit my knowledge and experience is. If only more were similar. A lot less arseholes there may be, frequenting this hurly burly world of birth death and despair.

Here I am in East Kilbride. By jings this a place. And what a place!!

There are of course things I miss. Like I miss being somewhere else. Anywhere else, outside this miserable island I am currently incarcerated upon. Coz that's just how it feels. Yeah I have duties. And noble as they are (looking after my sick mother) I'd much rather be in a land of language I fail to understand. In a place where I don't have much of a scooby regarding the customs and cultures of locals. Beside beautiful people who I am apt to fall in love with at a moments notice. These things are far more desirable. For me at least.

And don't think it's because I want to desert my mother. oh no. not that. I will make sure she is taken care of--not killed, or executed like, but healthy and independent. What do you take me for... crivvens.

So that's it.. how I feel at the moment. BUT. Ah've hardly any money for the time being. I am pinko. Skint. Up a financial gum tree maybe. This is problematic. mostly for me. I need a plane ticket. I will get one. I will return to where the future lies. over the sea across the skies amongst the foreign thrills and hills . I will be hand in hand with my wee son and playing peekaboo and other games that I get a real hit out of. Walking through fields and forests next to the beautiful girl who treats people for ailments using modern medical techniques, with a smile. Who's mind is agile. Unlike mine. My feet were very agile for a long time and still are not too bad. I was noticed for my dexterity amongst the rocks and pools by the sea or up on the hill where boulders were pavements.

I need to go and care for a while..

more later byee lovers and lags

..ed

Lone stranger

2009-04-06T12:39:00.000-07:00

Wind blown hair in a windowless room
A lifeline of knuckles
waddles into the afternoon
Look into its eyes
It will look into your eyes

Good to be back.

I can tell you of the most recent events. They are few,.

Today I got out of bed before the sun reached it's zenith. A good sign I thought. Went to shower, for which I managed to score some hot water. Then a shave. I thought I would since I had so much time.
Ok, says ed. Lets try the new open razor I recently bought . Good choice! Within a minute I'd managed to inflict 5 decent sized gushing wounds on my fizzer. Doing well! I opted to finish the job--not my life-- with a safety razor and continued, after that, using a wide range of methods, to stem the flow of blood from my now palid face. It eventually stopped gushing.
I then had breakfast. With Colombian coffee brought from Colombia made in the little expresso maker I found in the kitchen. A fantastic thing!!!

Having finished breakfasting, I went back into bathroom to view the destruction committed to my face. Whilst entering the bathroom I noticed I had a scorpion for company. It was a big one. well, not as big as me, but bigger than the last one I found. He/she was stranded in the toilet bowl. I made attempts to save it but admitted defeat as much thru fear as inadequecy. I had to flush the poor guy away. MAybe he will survive in the distant pipes!.

I will go back to reading and keeping a low profile until my face looks less like the aftermath of a big cat attack.

Ahm thinkin of swedgers an jeg, and how unappealing it seems to me now. How things change as the clock spins.
A day, a night, an awakening fright. Then there are no more peaks to seek. no more avenues to to explore. Cul de sacs. just cul de sacs. uninvigorating, debilitating the mind. And all the while, time. It can be so slow. It can let me go. It can take what it wants in chunk sized bites. I despair the long nights and enveloping twilights. I dont think of the day until it's gone away. I get carried along cul de sacs. can't escape the cul de sacs.

Lovin' ya

..ed

Despite myself

2009-03-30T14:55:00.000-07:00

There really was one way to be,
Yet this is not it, we think,
To be such younger folk as we
Not levelled as we drink

Where has that petulant wee git got to?
Ho..,,.. Talking to you eddie, ya choob!!!

Hey, alright alright. Nuff o' that stuff. Here am I the good old eddie yin. Whats troubling me today then?? It's the fucking weather, the sun cloud rain. hills above the mist the mountain low. and I have plenty to be complaining about despite myself!!

yeah ok, so it's been a while n'that, but there were reasons.
reason
1. A lazy bastard is eddie.
reason
2. Same as last reason.....

But ye cannae be complaining coz here I now am, spraffing my words onto a page for your eyes only. Not only that. I'm a wonder. A super fantastic stretch of the imagination. A regular worshipper of the lack of reason to live.. I just happen to be going on despite myself. To spite myself, inspite of myself. Ye can choose your fave!!

Now it is Ecuador. A wee trip south of Colombia. I'm here to kill time but it's fine. Otavalo is pretty laid back and amongst lovely land. No hardship. The problem I foresee is getting back into Colombia due to visa technicalities. I think I have been there too long and will encounter a problem. Big problem as I have to fly from there at the end of April. And, I had intended to do some travel up there afore I left. And I have a bag full of stuff in Popayan.

I am going to go up to the border on saturday and see what they say, see what they are willing to give me . I may need to spend a few weeks here instead--not as good but still manageable.

Otavalo is nice. I've spent most of my Ecuadorian time here. better than Quito for sure. And, likely, many other places.

It's been a while since I did this and I am suffering from some fatigue that I cannot explain so I am going to get away to somewhere else not in this internet station that I am in just now....

And yet I go

with love on my mind-----to ALL

Obligatory stuff

2008-11-24T13:28:00.000-08:00

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Beauty is within
Sometimes I feel when I kick up my heels in the sun
I'm the loveliest one

Where
Ha.. Today I am to be found outside of Colombia. A bit more south. And that will be Ecuador. That will be Quito. Had a couple of days in Otavalo. Poking my nose around the big market full of colour crafts and indigenous folk.
Now Quito, which is a mass of sprawling barrios that climb up into clouded mountainsides and back down again. It's about to rain by the look of it and I am sure it will rain. Other than that-- not much.

Mind
My mind is not as open as anything but it is fairly open. I am having to concentrate on finding a trip to the Galapagos Islands. It should not be the most difficult task in the world but I am never keen on organising things. Perhaps because I have a lazy mental illness. My friend John is coming over to Ecuador from Glasgow for a couple of weeks, so we will have to cram in a lot of stuff and that means I have to try and sort out the trip to the islands where the funny animals live.
I am not in fallout with the chica in Poapayan for a change. I thought I was but it turns out all is fine and I will see her in three weeks time when I return to Popayan to run Hosteltrail hostel for 3 months. Hostel running is a funny business. It isn't hard work but it means I have to get up in the morning. That's the hardest part. The next hardest part is being pleasant to arseholes. Not that many of the guests are arseholes but they do appear now and then.

Rant
It's not difficult to feel for things that are beyond your control. But I feel for everything and when I'm all alone I get that sinking feeling that I have been here before and it takes me to the place where the sun was not shining and the cold rain was coming down in buckets and buckets. Pouring it's suffocating chill onto my skin and bones - chattering. This is living. This is the real thing. This is why we are here. SO. I get further away. I travel to keep my skin dry. I get out of the place where I am part of the hoi polloi. Get myself where I can be a bit more free. Where my natural mental state can take over. Where I can please myself or hate myself or abuse myself. No contacts. No family, no shitkicking. Just my lonely self to destruct and implode.
That's not to say there is something wrong. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is out of control. Everything just creeps on by. Low. very low.
I rescind.

I appear and now I disappear---with love

..ed

Lost Incomprehensible

2008-10-21T13:45:00.000-07:00

You could say that I'm a bitter man
and once again, I think that's true,
I will remain so until I better those
that know more than I do

Mental state
Today I am once again watching the rain come down hard and heavy on Popayan streets. The confusions that come into my life cost untold moments. I let the status advance without trying to resort to defence. My place is wherever I happen to be and with that I will let you ponder..

Doing
What does eddie do, at any one moment eddie is neither doing nor not doing. He is . As I say the rain is falling . As I say I let things go by.
I have been talking to some people about Colombia. I am always surprised at the things I hear. Although this country is a safe place for tourists, it is not the idyllic place one might suppose, considering it is safe for people such as myself. There are still many problems, and I hear horror stories of entire village populations "disappearing".

At the moment Colombia is in the midst of a Pyramid frenzy. These pyramid schemes are paying out crazy rates of interest to all and sundry at the moment. It has been going on now for a bout six months. Returns of up to 150% per month are not uncommon and poor Colombians are selling everything to get money to invest in these schemes. So far, a couple of the schemes have went belly up. A couple of guys get killed trying to leave the country with the loot. but the main men are always in the clear. It is crazy. In Popayan today I witnessed a queue of about 200 people waiting to submit there savings to one of these Pyramid organisations. You can't blame the people. They are poor. to double your money in one month is a big carrot. The thing is the people don't seem to realise this can only be a very short term scheme. To leave any more than you can afford to lose in these things is crazy, as they cannot sustain the payouts for more than a few months. then the people lose everything. The other thing to remember is that the money that is being used for the payouts is almost certainly dirty money. It's coming from drug trafficking, money laundering, illegal arms, people trafficking, FARC. It is investing in all that is bad in the country. The people like to blame others for the problems they experience yet, give them the opportunity to contribute to the problems and if they are able to profit, they are right in there. No questions asked.
Of course it's easy to see why. Poor people can't be too choosy. They have principles: they want food. They want what others have. be it luxuries or be it basics. They want them. And if they are being given them without having even to do any work, well, all the better.
In Pasto you can't get your roof fixed. Who wants to work if you can get money for nothing. It's going crazy.

Personal
How personal would you like? Well I am always in some sort of confusion as the mental section betrays. My relationship with MAria Ines is a on a shaky nail. Shakier by the day it seems. I'm not feeling too bad about it. I have did all I can to explain things to her and still there seems to be little headway made. On the other hand, this being Colombia, girls are in abundance and being in a relationship seems to not matter to anyone. What a place!!!
No more personal.

no more anything

love
..ed
xxxx

The past that past

2008-10-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

Everything
Is on the wing
And every face is in a hidden place

Where
. Since it's the first words on the new trip I will inform you of my whereabouts. this is Colombia. I am today in Popayan. That's a bit to the south.

Situation.
Well it's like this, I am on a travel. a seven monther.. My intention is to spend time with MAria Inez. The girl in the life... Then I may have time in Ecuador. There is an opportunity which I may divulge at a later date but it sounds interesting.... I think I will go up to Salento in the next day or two for a wee spot of country life Colombia style it will be good to see my old friends up there and breath the air. ach aye. It's the life... I have a room to move into next week in Popayan. It's a nice wee place in the centre of town and it will save me a lot of money. I will stay there a month then decide the next move which may involve the ecuador opportunity. Been meeting a few people I got know on my previous visit, that's been nice.

Mental state
Oh, that's improving after a languid start. I got into a bad state to begin with. The change in Culture, the language all the usual change stuff. I have now, however, got myself into a much more content mode.

The rant
Whats a report without venting my wordy wrath upon the world. It's not a s simple as one may imagine it to be-- to be carrying out this sort of tirade. For that reason I will take it easy for this first piece. I am feeling fine tho. It's a strange feeling to be ok. not too angst ridden and I may even have a happiness inside me. It won't last tho. Oh no. These things to me are like aliens, like liquid fuckers that course thru the veins and upset the fine balance. I chase them away like most chase demons. The awkward bastard that I can be. I wish a change, a whole new internal system. My blood to be new, by organs to shut down and re-boot with an alter state that will allow me to cope with the shit of the world in a more conventional manner. By that I probably mean by allowing me to be as greedy and uncaring as most of the rest of the rabble of this rancid world of beauty and spiralling wickedness. I cannot instigate these changes myself. Certain drugs I suppose will push me one way or another and they can be of benefit in certain situations in certain quantities for certain amounts of times. I can see the grass grow and I can feel the tremors as flower petals gently thud onto the ground. I recal days when this seemed impossible. I recal days when A family life was a drive in the car to a cloudy beach on the west coast. Picking up stones to put in a polishing machine. Visiting the hill that goes the wrong way. All that stuff of the past is most certainly past. And now without doubt is the now. I am not fighting or resisting these facts.
. So I am calm.....

All the love

in blue.

..ed xxx

graspin'

2008-08-11T05:15:00.000-07:00

Take me to a happiness beyond human reach
Beyond the grasp of lust
Beyond the need for trust
Beyond the gaze of the sick and the lame
Beyond the stretch of human pain

I should keep you all a wee bit more updated and informed of my present and recent doings and goings.

Well yeah, I should but the truth has to be told and that is that there is nothing to be telt. Nope.

Life in the last lane. the hard shoulder. the layby. It's like that with me. Just too often.
I am in Scotland. Near Glasgow. not near enough and at the same time not nearly far enough away.
I am biding my time. Biding biding. I wish to be away from here and should be before the end of september . The problem is that the money situation never really got sorted out. I have a very small pocketful of pennies and pounds. But. I need to get out of here. get away. to a place I can just not be here. You may not be understanding what I am saying but I need to go go go. I need out of this. And I am not sure I will find what I am looking for in South America but it seems that I am going there anyway. I wil spend time with Maria Ines. I will go to Bolivia. I will see what else I may squeeze into my 7 months of being not in this dreary place.

drreary it is, but it has it's occasionaly flickers. I went to see Acid Mothers Temple the other night. A Japanese psychedelic rock band who just were very loud and psychedelic. just what they were meant to be. I loved it. loud noise with psychedelic Japanese nutters . Beautiful.

I've spent my time in Scotland alone this trip. I just decided - for better or worse I am not sure but it's a thing I have mostly done. and leaves only myself to piss myself off. And it isny a difficult chore that. !!

So this is just a wee filler to let you all know that I am still a real living guy... The price I have to pay eh!

I will to let you know when I move on and what then takes place as I slide down south from the tip of the Andies to a bit more south Andies. Me in my bob sleigh tabogan sledge thingy that skoots and swooshes North to south downward on and off piste and pure belting it thru lands of beauty and inca-ian indian wonder and snow showers and fallen trees and the cool morn breeze that sweeps through the hair of the head. bringing with it open eyes and wonderment.

Lets not live too long. eh

My love to you
..ed xxxxx

Glasgow Glasgow where are you? 102 from Carlisle!

2008-04-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

Nestled in your wings my little
one
This special morning brings another
sun
Tomorrow see the things that never
come
Today

When you see me
Fly away without you
Shadow on the things you
know
Feathers fall around you
And show you the way to
go
It's over, it's over.

It's the ending of a trip that never really got going. It had plenty of interesting bits. And even some pieces!! I still cannae sprachen the speak of Spain. That's funny..
Chile is nice, my last country of the trip. a bit more european than other countries over here. I have met a few nice people at the hostel also. A brazil couple Oz couple and Canada girl. Visited a winery. went out eating and drinking and having pleasant times.
I even had the fortune to sleep in A cupboard one night.

It's Maria-ines birthday on the day I leave SA. It would have been nice to spend it with her but I will be flying in a aeroplane, and I hope to hell it isn't constructed from chocolate, that is going to cause serious problems at take off if it is. and it's ok for you to laugh or not understand. I'm the man on ground. and maybe staying there.

then there is the problems of UK. accom and travel. nothing is easy in my life. accept-- my life. which isny all that hard really. A luxury life I have chosen as opposed to the more frequently chosen option of work stress debt frustration and stupidity. The greed machine- or is it just the very fucking stupid machine! that dictates most peoples lifes. I reckon either.. People are people and people are no good. As opposed to pineapples which very often are good. And many other non people things. like Avacados. or whales. or turtles and seahorses. even chestnuts are far better than people as I am sure you will have surmised for yaself. . Then again. maybe not, coz most people, myself included, are stupid. I'm just more aware of the stupidity I pocess process...And another thing....... people are stupid all the..... I don't understand everything.
I may be hungry.

now now now, I will say the good thing about the return is the music the dance and the theatre. the familiarity with the geography. the streets and the ugly faces.

Glasgow Glasgow where are you? 102 from Carlisle!

lentils and blips

2008-04-14T16:30:00.000-07:00

And you do what you want
And I will do what I want;
I'm now free of master and everyone,
Servant of all and servant to none

How are you ? I am now south of the equator. It feels the same to me tho. I am in a town called Vilcabamba and I am not tryoing out the hallucinogenic San Pedro cactus as I don't have time. I am rushing south south. To peru and beyond. Will get nto south peru hopefully within 10days. Then chile. Santiagi for an aeroplane to Spain. Hope the metal bird is not not metal and chocolate because I can't trust a plane made of chocolate. Would you? Well of course you wouldny. It would be far too dangerous. Not that I worry about planes landing too early on the sea or in moutains. Thats fine. once your up your up but to attempt even a take-off in a chocolate aeroplane would be madness.

Nothing to interesting happening at the moment. The town/village I am in is tiny and I still can't find the vegetarian resaurant. It's very odd that I should have such a problem.

oh well you never know how daft a person can be 'til they try to find the veggy food place in a small town.

I will leave this proposterity for a while and try and find a blockquote for tho start this post.

All yer fair and fine misters and misseses must abide. and take comfort from me.

I am the one-çç

love

..ed

the latent and the dead

2008-04-05T16:29:00.000-07:00

Veins on leaves
A cat of kings
A mouthful of seed
A strand of beads
An hour of lust
A bucket of trust
It's time to rest
My shiny things
Pull them off
Pull them off
Pull them off of me

Hi and how are you?
I-m in Popayan. Southish Colombia. About to say goodbye to this white uninteresting city. Och, it-s ok really, I have enough to keep me amused most of the time. Maria-Ines keeps me going with fun and laughter and love.
HAd an interesting encounter with the bad side of Colombia.. Well after almost 4 months of good times and tranquility it's not a great surprise to see the bad side. So a bit of uncomfortable excitement has now hopefully past and I will leave the country in the next couple of days.

South to Ecuador and then on and on Peru and Chile for my flight home at the end of the month.
Whatdya think?

I'm neither up nor down. I'm cutting short my thoughts so as not to be carried this way or that. I'm finding time is only now and not yesterday or the morra. Everything in this life of transcience makes me wonder and wondering is not what I'm in the mood for. I get a bit confused with day after day and remember, when I need to, the essentials. The following day following another etc.

Perpelexion is not for the faint hearted when sensitivity is rearing. So I am not in any mood and not in expectation of anything I hope. Just waiting. Not even waiting. Just ...justing. Minute by minute I am ...just....

So that means that I am not gonnae say much about anything. I am going to lie down. Maybe go to the toilet. Then I will read a little, then contemplate absolutely nothing. Lose myself in a void of empty ease and nothing nothing nothing.

What you thinking? Where do you go_ Where do people go. And why do they bother, when there is less to do. I cannot find an answer because I am not seeking the answers.
So there ye go ya bam.

I'm right out of this place.

go go go

All the love in the sky and the floor.

Love
..ed x

no snow no sand... oh yes there is . but no sand

2008-03-20T13:39:00.000-07:00

Idle hands are the devil's playthings
The devil's playthings, the devil's playthings
Idle hands are the devil's playthings
The devil lives deep down
Deep down

popayan. It's where I am and not fo the first time. maybe or maybe not the last time. Only time can tell. And as I sit looking out on a hot sunstreaked street with thunder rumbling distant and pilgrims pilgrimming in this holy of holy weeks. A dull occasion, but more lively place than before. the parades are to be avoided. long and very slow and without event of note.

I am with Maria-Ines lots of the time. It's a pleasant way to pass the time. We have fun and laugh.

I have a room in which to sleep with toilet hot shower telly and bed. A drug dealer as landlord so no problems there.

All is fine. Colombian is fine. Weather normally fine if not raining. And fine is fina and I am too!

And the rest is for the ears and the eyes. the haze that illumes me. the catastrophy I can be, the envelope of an embittered soul that gloats and glares at the things of the past that still wreak a torture on a still unfound heart. A witch hunt. A lot of lady a lot of boy a lot of living has passed and may pass on more.

I cannot return I cannot go backways. I will endure the frost the bite the blast. and on this day I will remain ..

I am confounding perils and fattening the cat the goose the babe on the loose I am sinful and I am sincere. Iam all the little things people wish would disappear. I am remaining I am the remnants I am the resurection. I am just an erection

Lots of love

..ed x

traversing ledges

2008-02-07T09:44:00.000-08:00

I could have been your pillar, could have been your door
I could have stayed beside you, could have stayed for more.
Could have been your statue, could have been your friend,
A whole long lifetime could have been the end.
I could be yours so true
I would be, I should be through and through

Ahh, the Salento breeze is a buzzin' an ahm just like a wasp with flowers on my mind.

Yep, here I am, running the plantation house hostal. Just riding, on the narrow time that takes forward it's everchanges. A surfer, Or a magic carpet rider.

If you didn't already know about Colombia and it's beauty and friendly embracing people well, that's how it is, and you need be told no more.
It is a fabulous destination. It's where people should be. It's where I am.

And the girls. oh my oh my. The girls are splendid.
Ah, but maybe more of that later.

This is not the USA. This is Not the Uk this is not the orient this is not the place I reckoned it would be. This is the place I am.

A worker I am. If I can use the term loosely. I am involved in a sort of work process. It is not important or difficult. I attend the tourists who arrive. I help a little bit. I smile and gesture. I get by. I live in a lovely house on a hill overlooking lush green valleys and a river. Coffee is grown in abundance. moths and spiders welcome all. I view these things with awe. The green and the others. It takes away the pain. It leaves me with ease in my soul. It takes the fear away. the fear that exists only in the minds of fools. Oh yeah, I can be considered one of the fools. The group contains me. I contain as much as I am able too. but on occasions it afflicts it's misery and spoils the view.

Control. I must keep control. By whatever means. I use mah heid. I reckon on the things that will help, the things that will hinder, and try and find a balance. keeping things on an even keel. I try. I fail , but I try and sometimes, sometimes I attain success of sorts. I can be anywhere or anything if I really want. I just find that I don't want, generally. I accept what is the moment. I accept so much, I don't accept the pain so much . It can mostly be avoided. I am still living after all those years and not as dead as the dead people are...

Time takes to its smokey heels and marches as to war. Work done and dusted and back now in Popayan. Where very little goes on and very little goes off. Into the arms of Marcela. into the strange world of a difficult relationship. The communication problems dictate the pace of our advance. the cultural disparities dictate, the religious assymitry dictates, political contrast dictates. There are many contras.

It would be much more fulfilling to be with Maria-Ines. But I am a fool...

And where and when do I go. I know nothing. As from the beginning. I know nothing. A day at a time, a day goes by for another to begin. It-s not a competition its not something to win. A life in rhyme and a life out of time. I step on. We all step.

the final count is taking place and sending shivers down the spine. It is not a crime to be straying from the straight line but it is the way forward that rattles and shackles. It is for each person to decide and to react and respond as they wish.

I love.
I say goodbye I wish well,

yours
..ed x

Looking out the windows

2008-02-04T07:22:00.000-08:00

,
In the corners there is light
That is good for you
And behind you, I have warned you,
There are awful things

This is a step into the other side. A click clack walking the track to the new realm or the undergrowth. It is a matter of the next step. Each day comes and inevitably goes.
Ok, So now I am in Colombia. Have been for a couple of months and the time just .....goes.

What do I do? Very little. Very very little. It's the sort of place where that sort of thing is simple. And if you know me you will know I like the simple things.

Popayan, until tomorrow when I return to Salento in the coffee zone to work in Plantation House hostel for a couple of weeks. I met the most beautiful girl on Saturday night. Marcela. Dancer, Actress, Model and now psychologist. I will be sad to leave without her.. but I shall return in a couple of weeks after work is done.

Whats wrong with me. I am writing this in a legible manner. Must be the new blog space I am using. Ed's place is out of order for some complex intertechnet reason that is beyond my ken.

I try to keep this family friendly so today no scandelous info or nasty sweary words. No stories of debauchery and.

I will attempt to keep this blog up to date. I am not sure why as I have not told anyone of it's existence as yet.

How many people will miss this??

all the love I have is yours....

..ed

SAmerica

2008-01-25T10:27:00.000-08:00

By jings.

I take lots of time getting round to things and this is a perfect example.

Colombia for now but much longer. then a bit longer after that. I come and go. come and go.

And yes my time is running out. I continue at a later moment.

love

..ed

Pre going

2007-11-01T07:04:00.000-07:00

I will be giving limited details in the near future. You need to stick with it...!!!!